My Twin Sister Playing Trumpet at Church!

My beautiful and talented twin sister rehearsing for today's church service! I am sad that I am stuck at work missing her performance!!! I love hearing her play and seeing her do what she loves! It also warms my heart seeing my nephew Nathan being a goofy kid. Love my family so much!!! 🎺✨🎺✨ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Monette Mouthpieces: Brother-in-Law visits the Monette Factory

Glad someone finally captured Mario Pesacreta's playing on camera! Now just need to capture Alison Pesacreta (my twin sister)...I know she tried some mouthpieces too! Happy Birthday to the best Brother-in-law. Miss hearing you guys play! 🎶🎺🎂🍻 (Go bears 🐻 and hi Jason) #UNCO



Here's Mario from Centralia WA visiting us on his birthday! Mario went to school back when with Jason in our office... we hooked him up with new PRANA RESONANCE mouthpieces today... he was all over them! Thanks for the visit Mario... have fun with the new mouthpieces!

Back to Work...

1st day of snowfall this year on campus. Glad I headed into work early. #University of Denver ❄ #NewmanPAC #DU

September 2019: Health Update

I don't think I've spoken about this on my blog because it doesn't really relate to FTSED. However, I thought I should share some news.

These last two years have been pretty tough on me physically. To make things short, in May of 2017 I started experiencing painful symptoms and found out I had miscarried. Yet the pain continued to progress....which correlates to what's going on now (posted much further below).

This previous summer I had my gallbladder removed, and due to all the medical tests leading up to it (that I haven't been able to do thanks to not having insurance foreverrrr) I found out I am dealing with a slew of several things.

First of all, since I had open heart surgery as a child, they had to do an ultrasound to make sure it's doing okay before I undergo surgery. They basically told me that I need to majorly improve my health or it won't be too long until my heart needs a stint or some type of work. They didn't say anything in particular was wrong but that this is something I needed to work on based on my overall health and the several things affecting me.

To make matters worse I showed up as anemic. And during surgery I was having troubles breathing....came to find out I have sleep apnea.

Then in late June I went to a physician to check out my reproductive health since all of this physical pain I've been in since 2017 finally got so out of control it got in the way of me being able to do anything. I stilled showed as anemic, and after doing a couple more tests and an ultra sound, turns out I had 2 large masses in my uterus. Due to my history, health, age, and ethnicity, that I am high risk for ovarian cancer. They needed to perform a biopsy. Well this took forever to get done because I had to switch providers and clinics, etc. So in July I was in so much pain that I begged for something to help lessen my symptoms. Was put on a different dosage of birth control, but it only lessened one of the symptoms, but for the most part I was still suffering, and started to experience vertigo. Then they started me on a different type of hormone drug that provided more progesterone and I cannot express how much my behavior/personality has changed. Although it's helped shave off 3 days out of the month I'm not going through this craziness.

Fast forward to September/now, I was finally able to get the biopsy this week. I will hear back soon as to whether anything is cancerous. The hysterectomy surgery is already in the books for late November. Still have some tests to do before then, but looking forward to not being in physical pain anymore. For now, I can only hope that whatever is happening isn't anything worse. Will update when I can.

All-in-all it's been extremely stressful and emotionally exhausting. I won't go into detail here, but just happy things are getting done and this will soon all be over with. That's all I've got for now. I'm holding onto as much hope as I can.

- Katie

10 Years Ago...

Exactly 10 years ago today I played my last recital/solo horn rep. I still love the horn just as much, if not more. I still have all my manuscripts/music library even though I almost threw it all away out of anger and frustration 1 year after the Focal Embouchure Dystonia diagnosis. Just couldn't get rid of it in the end. Meant too much to me.

📯💔📯💔📯💔
#nevergiveup #chinup #staystrong #havefaith
#livingwithembouchuredystonia

Return to Orchestral Playing

Hi everyone! In case you didn't know, I took a huge leap and started playing in a local orchestra again this past November. It's a community orchestra, so nothing too crazy or strenuous on my face. I'm hoping it will allow me to take my time re-introducing myself to playing more on a consistent basis.

It definitely has been helping a lot! Granted I never could have handled this years ago, and I would never recommend playing in a group during the onset or height of dystonia. However, I find it majorly beneficial at this stage of recovery.

There was a time when I realized I had to get back into the swing of things, instead of just taking small gigs or subbing. However, it can seem like a journey in itself trying to find the right environment that supports you and willing to take an injured musician in. Most of the time I have to mention it afterwards and hope for the best, and if not, then it's not where I want or need to be in the first place.

The last big orchestra gig I did was in 2017 for the Longmont Symphony, which is an advanced and professional sounding orchestra. Therefore it was nerve-wracking at first, but oh boy, did I have sooooo much fun just being surrounded by players of that caliber and feeling alive again. I played 4th horn on Pines of Rome, Daphnis and Chloe, Strauss 4 Last Songs, and Elgar Variations.

However, my very first time playing in a group since 2010/diagnosis was while subbing for a horn player in a unique jazz-orchestra ensemble called All Angles Orchestra, created by a former classmate of mine (Michael Conrad) who happened to be the doctoral teaching assistant of jazz at UNC (Colorado) at the time. He's now a professor and won several awards for his compositions. I didn't expect him to reach out to me because it had been so long (we attended undergrad together in Iowa) and also because of my setback, but I was so happy he did. It really pushed me to take that first leap of faith.

It can be a bit scary every time you take a gig, or even just playing alongside others at first. It can also be physically taxing committing to a group on a weekly basis if you're not sure you are ready or playing more makes your symptoms worse. It really depends.

However, I think if you are optimistic and know your limitations very well of what you can handle or not, everything can be manageable. The relapse days can be brutal sometimes, but they don't happen as often anymore, and very rarely are they so severe that I become concerned.

I still get to play some decent repertoire; we had our christmas concert in December, and now started opera season and some other great pieces. I'm playing 2nd (but currently covering 4th this month) on the Firebird Suite, which is always fun to revisit on a different part, and playing a couple light pieces like La Gazza Ladra. I've always been a lead/principal player most of my life, and ever since the height of my dystonia back in 2010, I have been on 4th horn whenever I play in a group. That's not to say it's a bad thing, but it has taught me a lot and helped me also separate that ego from needing to be the best. All-in-all it has been an ongoing lesson.

I look forward to orchestra rehearsals every weekend! I LOVE it, very much. I forget how therapeutic it is and how much I need to be a part of a music group. Before I was either playing via demonstrating for students or having to play with them due to teaching. It's not the same as making music in an actual ensemble. Therefore, I never felt fulfilled to a certain degree.

I actually ran into a former CU-Boulder classmate who is a trumpet player, and also a bassoon player who use to volunteer to help out at concerts at the school I use to teach at for El Sistema. The conductor of this orchestra has a great sense of humor and I can tell it's a healthy environment.

I just recently watched a video where Dr. Farias discusses how one of the key components during the recovery process from any type of dystonia is re-introducing yourself to a former social environment or activity you use to do. It will greatly improve your wellbeing and facilitates the progress more than you would imagine.

I know that a lot of musician's with embouchure dystonia are not able to take this step for many reasons, or it can be just the mere fact that dystonia makes things so unpredictable and unstable at times.

Overall I am really proud of where I'm at and just taking my time trying to regain the last portion of my abilities. I feel as though I have about 70% of my abilities back, and on relapse days 60%. I know that's a weird figure...but I don't know how else to explain it.

I know a lot of people think, believe, or will tell you that embouchure dystonia is an absolute end to your dreams and career. The truth is that if you believe that B.S., it will do you nothing but harm and may even stop you from recovering at all.

Believing in a 100% recovery is half the battle. I seriously will not give up, even if I die trying. Even if I'm 90 years old and lost all my teeth...I'm not the quitting type, and the more the odds are stacked against me, the more fuel to my fire and determination to prove those out there wrong.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this moment in my life. It may seem like a small step, but small steps add up over time. I hope that it provides hope to others who may be afraid that they won't ever play among other musicians again, or even enjoy it.

That's all for now, have a wonderful day, and never give up on your recovery efforts! :-)

You Can't Tell a Musician with Dystonia.....

Moving to the very South West Denver area soon!

I'm moving soon! I'll be taking a trip to Washington though to visit family before moving in late October. Danny and I are looking forward to being somewhere more peaceful near the southern foothills, and away from the traffic. We really have been needing to find sanctuary.

Did I mention I got to see my friend/mentor who is a great horn player this summer! Was awesome seeing Thomas and his family again. I've been lucky to see them almost every summer, and their kids seem even more talented and skilled at music year after year. Here's a picture of us all hanging out at the Reihn Haus in LoDo. I thought I would take them there due to their roots in German heritage! I also didn't know Thomas spoke German...which is surprising because I've known him for 9 years now.

Currently I feel happy and a lot less stressed out than I have been in a year thanks to refocusing on finding balance and health. I've already been getting back to activities that I love and have a lot more energy. I've definitely started practicing more on top of working out, which matters to me most!

July & August Videos 2018

I have a couple of videos I uploaded. One was made yesterday on the 2nd briefly going over mouthpieces and lower-lip struggles, but the lighting and resolution turned out not so great. The other video covering scales high and low was filmed back in early April, but I hesitated to post it because I really did not look that good and I am angry at myself (health-wise right now). haha! However, I am very proud of how far I've come in being able to add back in tonguing, and moving up and down through each register step-wise/scale-wise. That's all that really matters, is showing my rehabilitation efforts.

Honestly, one of the reasons I haven't been posting as many videos is because of my health unfortunately. I haven't been in the greatest shape, thus my huge hiatus from blogging and facebook in order to refocus on my efforts to get in shape. Exercise is really important to me, and I have been happy with losing 20 pounds since then, yet I have a long way to go still.

Mouthpieces and Lower Lip Struggles with Embouchure Dystonia Part 1

Mouthpieces and Lower Lip Struggles with Embouchure Dystonia Part 2

Scales High and Low, Fast and Slow

  

Mantras

Just wanted to share my mantras in both Latin and English. These give me the greatest amount of inner strength no matter when or what I'm going through. I use them during meditation or when playing horn or in prayer. One of my biggest strengths is perseverance, and these mantras accurately reflect my mentality whenever encountering obstacles/life challenges. They resonate so well with me and I always keep them close to my heart. Happy Valentines day everyone, I hope these help your inner strength shine through as well.

More Updates!

It's been a while since I've updated my blog! A lot has been happening so I'm mainly going to explain it all in photos!

First of all, I have posted a new video of my current horn playing on my facebook page Living with Embouchure Dystonia, and in the Focal Task Specific Embouchure Dystonia facebook group. You can see it here: https://www.facebook.com/embouchuredystonia/videos/1415994998449828/  . I filmed this at one of the music schools I teach at. I am warming up before my students arrive for the day.

I got to see an awesome friend, mentor, and professional horn player - Thomas Jostlein and his family again this summer! Like I've said in previous posts, I don't get to experience being in the horn playing world anymore since I'm not in an orchestra, and can't really speak to other horn players because I'm never around them. I can't explain how refreshing it is to speak to a horn player that doesn't look at me like an injured or diseased/cursed person, but instead still supports my success and boosts my confidence by reminding me that I can do it!...I can play and keep improving, and that what I am doing is good! Here are a few pictures from all the times we've got to catch up over the years.

 

I also got to meet Julie Landsman this year who is another huge inspiration to me. She said that she actually just recently donated to Dr. Itlis's Embouchure Dystonia research. It was great to hear her play with that beautiful gorgeous tone. Moved me and gave me so much inspiration.

I've started some artistic projects...check out all the drawings, wood stain art, wood burning art, and furniture refurbishing I've been up to:

This news doesn't necessarily have to do with me. But I wanted to post a picture of my twin sister. She had the opportunity to meet up with her former trumpet section this last year. Here is a photo with her former trumpet section mates: Philip and Natalie Dungey from Seattle. I am so proud of her and miss her trumpet playing! Ally and her husband have a photography business called Sweet Dahlia Photography which you can check out here: https://www.facebook.com/SweetDahliaPhoto/?pnref=lhc . They are based in Washington state and her husband also manages a music store and lesson studio! :-)

Example of Ally and Mario's photography work! :-)

Finally, last but not least. I've started my private lesson teaching again, including several contracts with a handful of music schools around the metro area, so pretty much concentrating on doing it full-time this year and will see how it goes. I haven't completely given up teaching in public schools though...I also teach high brass at Douglas County High School/DC Downbeat band program a couple times a week!

I am looking forward to all the creative and artistic work I'm doing! Please keep sending positive energy our way. I will do my best to keep my blog updated, but am pretty busy!....until next time....happy 2017-2018! May everyone be blessed! :-)

Goodbye ESC

Sorry I haven't had time to update my blog in forever. This is why....I've been working like crazy to balance all the areas of my life; especially work/finances. I currently work for El Sistema Colorado, American Music School, Taylor Robinson Music, and I just got a sub-license. All of this to keep my head above water this year.

All I can say is that some things in life are inevitable. You try your hardest to avoid it, but even when working with a team to prevent things from ending, sometimes they do, nonetheless. 2016 has been tough. Last year in January of 2016 I received the news that two of my co-teachers who lead the 4th & 5th grade brass and woodwinds/band class with me were being laid off. That was tough because all of a sudden I was alone three days before the first day of classes started and feeling like I had lost a great team. Part of why I love El Sistema Colorado is because we co-teach most things. It's so much more effective and the students feel like they are surrounded by a family of teachers dedicated to them. It was hard, but I made it.

On top of that we ended our year a month early. Coming into this year I received a phone call in the August of 2016 asking if I would like to continue with ESC as a teacher, but only offered 16 hours a week (I had 32 last year) since there wasn't much funding, no lesson planning time paid for, no instrument maintenance time, no staff meetings, no core-group/nucleo meetings, no pre-concert planning meetings, and strict time on hour limits, no instrument repairs, teachers could only work a certain amount of hours at a concert at the beginning of the year, no paid-out time ...no accrued vacation hours, no benefits this year...whereas last year we had all of this available. The pay rate would change depending on what us teachers where doing; one pay rate for lead teaching, a different one for assisting, another for meetings and concerts. I was also told that there may be a possibility that the brass & woodwinds program I teach most likely would be cut in January 2017.

I said yes because despite how gloomy it sounds, I love this organization so much, and it is my livelihood! I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I ended up with more hours due to another teacher declining a position, so I filled it and went up to 21 hours. I also started teaching private music lessons on the weekend to fill in more hours.

Right away we had a lot of teachers leave. Most of them had excuses such as moving, getting a full-time teaching job elsewhere, or too many gigs, a lot of them were actually upset with the way things were heading, or scared of getting laid off. I worked hard since August to try to get another part-time job encase things got worse. I even advocated to keep the brass & woodwinds program going at Garden Place Academy.

In November 2016 we received an email asking about ideas for next year; example - should we move to salary positions, should we hire all teachers on as full-time in order to receive benefits, should we move all after-school programs to one hub?, etc. We received the same questions last year as well...so it seemed that maybe things were getting better since they were asking us this. That's at least what I assumed.

But then early December 2016 we received a letter saying that our after-school programming at all three schools was ending two and half weeks early due to not enough funding. As teachers we vented to our lead teaching artists about how we didn't feel included in anything. Why can't we fund-raise as teachers? Why is it just left up to administration or the board? Why can't we be included on information about the organizations finances? Why are we left out until it's too late to do anything? Why are we told to promote matching grants a day before they are due? or just sent a link to Colorado Gives in order to try to fund raise? Isn't there more we can do as teachers? If someone would just help us organize a fundraiser for our nonprofit, we'd do it, even if it meant not getting paid. I'd work overtime on no pay just to get the organization back running. We all would if it came down to it.

Finally we got a little bit of answers; that our organization's start-up money funding was winding down, and that it generally only covers about 4 years, and we are into our 4th year of programming. On top of that our organization grew too big in a short time. We expanded to serving three schools in Denver. We're one of the best El Sistema organizations! We also didn't have an executive director for over a year, and they had to rebuild networks and partnerships, etc.

The administration and board worked tirelessly to send out letters to donors to get funding, etc. At least that's what we were told. But still, all of us teachers feel like things are always so ambiguous. I understand that keeping a nonprofit afloat is not easy, but communication has always been an issue. Every survey we filled out that asked what our organization could improve on  - at the top was communication.

Then the worst news came two days after Christmas (Yes, literally yesterday!)  my boss called me and informed me that the board has decided to end El Sistema Colorado programming on January 31st due to lack of funding. In-school programming starts January 9th, after-school January 16th, and then we end the 31st. Literally only 3 weeks, and we're done for the year .

It hasn't really hit me yet. Neither any of the LTA's saw it coming either and it's a huge blow to all of us. Every single one of us has to drop things and find new work if we haven't already got a second job lined up. There's nothing like being laid-off three weeks into school. I was told that the board hasn't approved up ending in January 31st quite yet, and that they are trying to push the funding out further through February at the latest. They are trying to push whatever money they have left to Bruce Randolph High School since it needs the most. So I was asked if I would consider staying on board for after-school programming there if that's what ends up happening. I said yes.

I luckily just received my Sub-Authorization through the Colorado Department of Education. So hopefully I can pick up subbing hours. Also waiting on to hear if I get hired for a part-time band director assistant position I applied for not long ago. I also opened up more of my private lesson schedule hours.

I'm not writing this in anger, but in sadness and disappointment. I love ESC and we are all hoping and praying that the board or administration, or whoever is in charge (now that they let go of the executive director as well) raises enough money to start El Sistema Colorado programming again in August of 2017. For now, we wait and see what happens. It's more devastating having to say goodbye to all the students and explain to them why they might not see us again. It's really hard. But if asked to go through this again, I'd say yes. So many of us would because we put in all the blood, sweat, and tears; our all into making this program great.

I posted the photo of a broken bridge because it's how I always am left feeling when a path I expected to be on for a long time comes to a short end. I'm not sure what's ahead, and as sad as it sounds, I'm actually use to it, so I feel I have the strength to move forward. As I said before, rising from the ashes is what I do best. Music is my purpose and calling, and no matter what happens, I will find a way to continue on my music path in one way or another. It's who I am, and who I'll always be...a musician who knows how to persevere despite all setbacks.

First Orchestra Concert in Six Years!

I had the honor of performing with the Longmont Symphony Orchestra in Colorado this last weekend. I took a risk and said yes to subbing for the 4th horn player, thinking that it would be doable with a couple easy pieces and one large more difficult piece.

But boy was I wrong about the programming! The concert included Pines of Rome, Enigma Variations, Daphnis & Chloe, and Strauss's Four Last Songs. There was transpositions in bass clef and old notation in some of the pieces and a tiny solo for 4th horn.

I had never been much of a low horn player, even before dystonia, I primarily held principal positions. It was too late to turn back now. Plus I had worked so hard and looked forward to such an opportunity for so long! I decided to prepare for it and hope for the best come rehearsal time. We only got two rehearsals and then the concert.

I was surprised that things went so well! I was so nervous about my dystonia kicking in during the long stretches of held notes throughout all of Strauss. I was scared that either spasms would violently through me off the notes (i.e. ending them abruptly), or I wouldn't have enough grasp on the notes to adjust my intonation if needed to (combined with using my right hand in the bell). But all the pieces turned out to be totally doable thanks to my mouthpiece that made things so much more comfortable.

I have been playing trumpet on a daily basis with my students. I have one class of literally 10 beginner trumpet players this year. For over a year now I've been having to play so many different instruments due to teaching; mainly flute, clarinet, oboe, trumpet, and trombone. On all of them I started out shaky, but my dystonia symptoms have receded a great deal over the year.

Trumpet is the one instrument I've spent the most amount of time playing. My dystonia symptoms are actually significantly less severe on trumpet than any of the other brass instruments. Luckily I own a french horn mouthpiece designed by a trumpet player (you can totally tell if you ever get the chance to look at it) and it looks like a trumpet mouthpiece almost. The rim is contoured like a trumpets, the body is funnel-shaped, but then it is a heavy and thick/dense mouthpiece. Probably as heavy as a trombone mouthpiece.

The feeling of the trumpet rim (it's A LOT of RIM!) on a horn mouthpiece has done a bit of sensory trick for me and my symptoms don't kick in as often. I can't play very much in the high range, but that's due to the mouthpiece and it's rim contour and thickness. However, my notes are stable.

Enough about my mouthpiece! Here are some photos from my first rehearsal. Both rehearsals and the concert went smoothly. I definitely needed that feeling of playing in an orchestra again. It was way over due. I took a risk because I knew I could do it, even if it took a lot of physical effort. I was very proud of how much progress I've made and that I'm able to perform even the slightest bit or every blue moon again. There have been so many days, months, and years missing playing with an orchestra, so even having the chance to relive it once again, just once, is a dream come true!

Milestones: Played Horn in A Group for the First Time in Six Years!

A few months ago I received a message from a former UNI (Iowa) classmate of mine named Michael Conrad. He is the current Graduate Jazz Teaching Assistant at UNC (Colorado)...which is one of the schools I attended in my undergraduate studies. He had asked me to sub for the horn player in the UNC Jazz group he works with. 

At first I was a bit hesitant, but remembered how much I loved playing his compositions in my undergrad. Since then he's gone on to win numerous awards for his compositions. I informed him that I still was coping with dystonia and could play as long as it wasn't anything too crazy. He sent me PDF's of all the music to check and I told him it all looked doable, so I went ahead and took a huge step/leap of faith and drove up to Greeley to rehearse with them. 

I have to say it was one of the best experiences and decisions I've made this year! I was both excited and scared. But if anything, it proved that I have come a long ways with my embouchure dystonia, and that I must not ever give up. Right around the same time I received the news that I was selected as a participant in a research study on FTSED. Going to this rehearsal made me even more ecstatic for the upcoming research. 

I'm grateful to Michael for thinking of me even though I had not played the horn in a group since 2010, and for putting so much trust in my playing...even if it was just a rehearsal...I wanted to put my best foot forward. I also was very happy to see a former classmate at a former school I attended...it brought up a lot of memories and nostalgia from my horn playing days. Which is always an amazing feeling to remember!

Summer Vacation in Washington & 32nd Birthday!

A couple photos from vacation in early June for my birthday! Too many to post on here, but all-in-all it was the best trip taken. Spent a week in Seattle and Olympia visiting family and touring around.

Photo my boyfriend took while on our boat tour!

I met one of the Seattle Symphony tuba players.

Seattle Symphony Orchestra Concert at Benroya Hall where my twin sister use to perform with the Northwest Symphony Orchestra!

Garden of Glass

PMC

My boyfriend and I playing guitar and bass as usual.

Seattle Aquarium

While traveling to Bremerton via Ferry

Crab fishing in WestPort

EMP Museum

Watching an old classmate from UNC-Colorado, Robbie perform on trumpet in a jazz group in a Seattle club!