Saturday, May 21, 2016

You're Never Alone

I had the greatest week! Last Sunday my friend and associate principal horn of the St. Louis Symphony visited Boulder to perform the Brahm's Horn Trio at the Boulder Bach Festival. My boyfriend and I went to watch his concert, and then Monday morning Thomas came and watched me teach kinder-violin at school. It meant a lot having him there, because none of my friends from out-of-state have seen me teach since I started my career, and not even my boyfriend has seen my teaching in action.

What I love most about this is that I realized in the last 3 years I've been able to see old friends more than I thought I would, and sometimes more than once. Every time a friend travels through Denver it's like time never passed between us.

I know everyone feels that way with friends, but for me it also brings back a reminder of my old self, my horn-playing self (basically when I felt like I had a definite fixed purpose or calling in life...not that teaching isn't, but the horn was my tool of voice). It gives me a sense of strength and confidence knowing that my past, my memories are not forgotten or faded inside after everything I've gone through....I guess I'm just happy that the fire burns even brighter inside me when I'm around friends.

I don't know if that makes. I feel relieved to have friends who get me and remain in contact despite the long distance, especially who have been supportive before I lost my ability, and after I lost my ability to play horn. I still can't believe time can go by so fast and yet, I feel as if yesterday I was playing my horn pursing my passion to be a horn professor.

I'm glad to have friends who continue to talk to me about horn playing and know that it's still a huge part of who I am and always will be, and who root me on to never give up hope. So often musician's with dystonia feel they lose a sense of themselves and who they are, and it is a huge struggle. In a way when I visit with friends I feel so much relief knowing that they had a equal impact and part in both my past and present (before I got dystonia, and after). I don't think they realize how important and meaningful that is to me that they've stuck around through thick and thin, and all the transformations my life has gone through.

Enough talking! I'm definitely rambling all over the place and not making sense. Here are some photos from the past week. I'm on vacation soon, and then participating in a research study on embouchure dystonia! But also happy to say I'll have more friends and relatives passing through during July and I'm excited for all the good things that happened and are to come. :-)