Video Recording: The Subtleties of Focal Embouchure Dystonia

Video 1: The subtleties of FTSED. I'm testing/practicing holding out notes (straight muted) 

Video 2: The subtleties of FTSED. I'm testing/practicing holding out notes (straight muted)

The Role of Mentality or Focus in Rehabilitation

This is what I practice the most in rehabilitation. You must be mindful of your body and the signals that are being sent. Use your senses and simply observe.

Being present and observing what your embouchure is trying to tell you helps navigate throughout the complex symptoms so you can find and reduce areas of tension in order to start working on reprogramming your motor skills and regain sensory feedback.

Being aware of your body in a mindful way is not a negative thing! Your mind can't be focused on negative thinking (i.e. the way things "should" feel, the way things "should" sound, the way things "should" look), and equally it also can't be focused on musicality or just playing "through" things.

When your symptoms are severe, especially during the height of embouchure dystonia, you're not at a stage to even start doing that. If you do, you risk getting a secondary injury on top of your disorder. You can't force things, so it makes sense why a musician with a disorder or injury can't be focused on normal playing methods or tactics (i.e. focusing on phrasing, tone color, breathing, mechanics, technique, singing through or playing through things).

You must be aware and in the moment. Be fully present of what is happening and not panicking. Observing (I like to use the word "exploring") where you actually have functional brain signals being sent and helping those areas bleed over into the unstable areas of your dystonia (sounds easy but believe me it's not!)...this is where you find leverage and begin regaining your playing abilities and a sense of dignity.

This is what I mean when I talk about changing your mindset so that you can start focusing on what is really important - the neurological/physical symptoms in your playing.

If you are lost in the realm of emotions, musical-esque notions, expression, or advice of others who don't have the disorder, it's going to be impossible to see any major progress (unless you are 98% recovered already and can focus on that type of stuff).

If you struggle with focus, one way to engage mindful observation is to just breath and empty your head by listening to the white noise in the room, listen to the clock ticking on the wall, feel the sensation of your feet touch the carpet. Then try to visualize blowing on hot cocoa and start playing (or mouthpiece buzzing or freebuzzing). Remember you are simply observing and exploring what your dysfunctional embouchure is telling you....really get to know its tendencies and reflexes, even if sometimes you can't get a seal or sound out at all. Keep noting your observations. This will help you later with adjustments and modifications as you go along.

If you can learn to love the act of doing this and accept your sound and state of disability in a hopeful-survivor and explorative type of way, that's going to take you far in recovery.

Berglof: Latest Embouchure Dystonia Video, May 22nd 2019

(If the video doesn't work here, you can also view it on my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=346595675996102 ). Originally posted this on my facebook page on May 22nd, 2019!

This is a really good example of what I mean when I tell people that during the onset of my symptoms my Embouchure started to move weirdly, as if I were chewing food or a huge ball of gum while playing. You can definitely see it in the chin muscles as they flex and how the corner muscles collapse involuntarily at times.

My first symptoms where not spasms....that's why I really try to explain to others that it's not just "the shakes". My first symptoms where a tiny air leak, then loss of control of larger movements/intervals, then progressed to loss of ability to decrescendo (embouchure started collapsing only on descending passages and on decrescendo), then after working on low brass playing for a few months and taking time off...then loss of control of smaller movements and spasms started setting in.

Anywhoo! Practiced a little bit today, but you can tell I'm a little frustrated. Overall things are feeling more stable, but now hard to move in certain ways...not due to loss of sensory/touch as much though.

The best analogy I can give is that Embouchure Dystonia usually feels like you are walking on eggshells or a bunch of wires that could zap you with a spasm at any moment, as if you are trying to walk on thin ice....but now I don't feel that way at this stage. Now I'm to a point where it's the opposite; like I'm trying to walk in deep mud and my shoes keep getting stuck.

The smaller muscles movements are more stable, but the larger ones are really being stubborn and not flexing in a natural way....they are slow to catching on. Instead of overshooting due to hyper muscle movement, it's sticky due to overly exaggerated movements/formations....if that makes sense? At least it feels that way. Still a lot of exertion or effort, but in a different way.

Thanks for watching and understanding! Sorry again for poor audio quality (also playing with a straight mute). 😊💕

Quick Video Post: Testing my Symptoms Across Registers

The other day I wanted to see how my large interval jumps were doing. So I started to play a little bit of the Till Eulenspiegel excerpt. Here I used a practice mute, which I often couldn't manage easily in the past from about 2010-2013.

This snippet of playing was used as a means to briefly test my symptoms, feel things out, and observe what signals my brain/body was sending me before I dived into really focusing on them.

It is not to show musicality, rhythmic accuracy, pitch accuracy, polished playing, or my skill level whatsoever. You can see my lower lip has paralysis going on in the left side and more viewable as I descend. It makes things quite taxing.

Though, I can't explain how happy I am to manage jumping across registers and play downward arpeggios spanning two registers, hit some high notes and low notes within a short consecutive time-frame. It takes a long time to regain those abilities even at a minimal/very basic level.

With embouchure dystonia, grabbing onto notes, maneuver them as they fly by, holding them out, or even landing on them is one of the biggest challenges due to the lack of sensation/sensory.

I've been able to regain the grasp on notes over time thanks to years of rehabilitation work. My main setback right now is air-leaks and landing on lower notes descending due to the lower lip protruding outwards on the left or because it is having troubles moving in general. You wouldn't believe me if I told you it actually use to be a lot worse. It's like trying to run a three-legged race and the other person isn't moving, so you're just dragging them along. haha! :-)

I'm also using a combination of air and tongue attacks. Tonguing is a whole different area on it's own, so won't go into detail there. It's task-specific, so the ability to do it depends on the register I'm playing in, if it is descending or ascending, the tempo, and if it is smaller or larger interval movement.

I will say however, I've noticed over the years that the receding of symptoms or regaining of control has happened in the reverse order of the onset and progression of symptoms. So my current state is a good place to be in.

<3 Until next time...thanks for stopping by! :-)

Embouchure Dystonia: Beginning Physical Rehabilitation Strategies for Brass Players I

July & August Videos 2018

I have a couple of videos I uploaded. One was made yesterday on the 2nd briefly going over mouthpieces and lower-lip struggles, but the lighting and resolution turned out not so great. The other video covering scales high and low was filmed back in early April, but I hesitated to post it because I really did not look that good and I am angry at myself (health-wise right now). haha! However, I am very proud of how far I've come in being able to add back in tonguing, and moving up and down through each register step-wise/scale-wise. That's all that really matters, is showing my rehabilitation efforts.

Honestly, one of the reasons I haven't been posting as many videos is because of my health unfortunately. I haven't been in the greatest shape, thus my huge hiatus from blogging and facebook in order to refocus on my efforts to get in shape. Exercise is really important to me, and I have been happy with losing 20 pounds since then, yet I have a long way to go still.

Mouthpieces and Lower Lip Struggles with Embouchure Dystonia Part 1

Mouthpieces and Lower Lip Struggles with Embouchure Dystonia Part 2

Scales High and Low, Fast and Slow

  

Lack of Symmetry in Facial Muscles of Musicians with Embouchure Dystonia

Can you see how my embouchure muscles are affected in each photo by the dystonia? 

Photo #1: Air leak in lower lip on left side, corner dropping, lower lip will not seal or stay rolled in. Whereas the right side functions normally. Left side of face is not as responsive, and right overcompensates.

Photo #2 & 3: When talking/speaking, right side/upper lip arches when left side doesn't.

This is a great example of the lack of symmetry that embouchure dystonia can create in the facial muscle function, and how it carries over to other activities outside of horn playing sometimes (not always in movement tasks, but in looks as well).

It can be confusing at first because the right side of my face has tremors and does a lot of movement when playing, when actually it is the left side that is the issue....even though it looks calm, it is the side that is the most dysfunctional and non-responsive.

What has always captured my attention is that several musician's I have met or spoken to with embouchure dystonia have the same type of lack of symmetry in their face. My family members even noticed it back then. This is something I feel a lot of us share and is the most brought up subject in conversation when meeting.

The lack of symmetry is actually common among dystonia sufferers in general. Check out this video of Dr. Farais (neurologist from Toronto) speaking about dystonia below. It is quite remarkable seeing the recoveries. But I wanted to share it because he talks about this commonality of lack of control on one side of the body, and the 3 primary areas it effects.

(Video) Focal Embouchure Dystonia and Playing Other Instruments

When you have musician's dystonia, a lot of friends and colleagues try to encourage you to find another instrument. Let me tell you, that isn't easy, and for a number of reasons. First being...nothing can come close to the love you have for your primary instrument. For me, horn is the best, and everything else doesn't come close. Not that I haven't given other instruments a shot. I grew up learning multiple instruments. Guitar is my second love, and it also doesn't come close to horn.

I enjoy practicing on other instruments, and I have to because I'm a teacher! However, my embouchure dystonia still effects me on other instruments to a certain degree. Some instruments are easier to play (i.e. trumpet, flute), and other instruments harder (i.e. tuba, trombone, euphonium). But just because some of the instruments are easier to play, doesn't mean I have the chops to master the instrument even if I wanted to. 

I want to show you what my embouchure looks like when I play other instruments. I don't talk much in the videos; except on the trumpet and trombone one. I think it is good to show how my focal dystonia still effects my playing from instrument to instrument. I can still  play to a certain degree on each instrument, but only if I focus on less tension....which means a more relaxed embouchure formation, and not stabilized at all. I show this really well on the trumpet video and explain it in detail. 

Let me know what you think of my new blog layout (should I go back to the previous design?), and if these videos give any insight. I'm not sure if these videos can show much...but I still think it's important to post them and analyze them, as not many people post recordings of themselves playing other related-instruments while having focal embouchure dystonia! :-) 

(Clarinet)

(oboe)

(Trumpet)

 (Trombone)

More Alternative Medicine/Therapies (Part 3): Body Movement Awareness Methods (Somatics), Modifications, and Musical Exercises for Focal Embouchure Dystonia

(PART 3) External Modifications to Playing

A couple of external modifications have helped me with my dystonia. As I progressed the modifications changed over time. Here are some examples...

• Playing with the bell on the leg or off the leg...
  As a horn player (pre-embouchure dystonia) I had always played off my leg. But with embouchure dystonia, it was the complete opposite. I started rehabilitating on my mouthpiece only, and later on in the processes moved onto my horn and found that playing on my leg made things significantly easier. It was as if I had more control and my embouchure didn't have to adjust to any slight external movement that I would have had to deal with if I played off the leg. As I improved over time and regained more abilities, I found that switching back and forth between playing on the leg and off the leg was both helpful, but it just depended on the way my embouchure was feeling that day. With embouchure dystonia, you're highly sensitive to what helps you and what doesn't (even if it is just the slightest tiniest modification).
  
  When I started playing on the leg, it formed a type of  crutch for me. That's what all these external modifications are...everything is a crutch (i.e. something you rely on or lean on for support) in the beginning of rehabilitation. As I regained more control of my embouchure, I didn't need the crutch as often, so I started switching back and forth between playing on the leg and off the leg depending on how my embouchure felt. Some days it felt easier to play off the leg, and other days I couldn't play at all unless I balanced my horn on my leg.
• Using a mouthpiece with a good amount of back-pressure...
  When I first started rehabilitating, I didn't even play my horn. I focused on mouthpiece buzzing ONLY for several months, maybe even a year? and NO tonguing, and NO breath control. In one of my previous posts I wrote about how I basically had to deprogram that feeling of automatic "playing-mode" because once my body was aware that I was physically playing, it completely tensed up or locked up. Therefore, I had to forget about everything and just focus on breathing out normally (without thinking about it and without preparing my lungs through breathing exercises...just let it all go!), and also focusing on just buzzing through very loose lips, even if it meant frowning or scrunching the chin...just playing with the flabbiest most loose lips possible. But sometimes my muscles needed to stretch and squeeze...so I started doing stretches, because sometimes I had to give into the tension I felt and just squeeze my facial muscles into contorted expressions just to relieve the tension...kind of like trying to get rid of a huge muscle cramp. So later on I realized how important it was to do facial muscle stretches first, and then focus on flabby lips in buzzing.
  
  About needing a mouthpiece with back-pressure. It was necessary for me to play on a mouthpiece that provided a little more resistance than normal, because again, it provided a crutch for me. It was much easier for me to buzz and get a sound out. I had less spasms and more control. It may have not been that much more control given, but it was significantly noticeably more efficient than playing on a free-blowing mouthpiece.
  
  Lucinda Lewis does something very similar called blocked-buzzing. This is the best analogy I can think of to describe why the resistance or back-pressure is necessary in rehabilitation. She said that one day when blowing into a soda bottle and looking into a mirror, she realized that because the air wasn't being allowed out of the bottle, it resulted in air resistance against the lips. This air resistance made her embouchure muscles form into a natural embouchure because there was no room for the muscles to relax, they had to fight the air resistance.
  
  It's like jumping on a trampoline. If you are jumping on flat ground, your leg muscles have to carry a lot of your weight, and it takes a great deal more muscle strength to jump on flat ground and it's a lot harder on your joints. But if you are on a trampoline, you are still using your leg muscles to bounce in the air, but it is significantly easier because the trampoline-springs provide that extra back-pressure or support. You push your legs against the trampoline mat and it pushes back, and it's the trampoline's resistance that shoots you off into the air. It's the same with mouthpiece back-pressure! You push up against the resistance and it helps by pushing back, and it's as if your embouchure muscles don't have to try that hard to function.
  
  This only works in the case of embouchure dystonia, because of course if you don't have embouchure dystonia then more back-pressure or resistance just gets in the way. You feel the opposite; like you're trudging through mud and having to work harder to play higher and louder because there is no flexibility. But with embouchure dystonia, we are just focused on trying to hold onto a note without our muscles giving out, spasming, or fighting back. So the back-pressure of the mouthpiece helps us hold on to the note(s) for a split second.
  
  Later on when I didn't need my heavy back-pressured mouthpiece as much, I kept switching back and forth between one that was less resistant and the one that was more resistant. It's like learning how to walk again. Sometimes you get to a point where you don't always need a crutch to walk, but sometimes you do! Some days you feel great, and other days you fall back on your crutches because you're exhausted or the stamina just isn't there from working so hard.
  
  Eventually I reached a point where I felt my muscles actually start to work or that feeling of "kicking in". If that makes sense? I started to see my muscles try to form a stable embouchure without me even trying. It was never forced. But when it did happen, it grabbed my attention.
• Using your right hand to hold your mouthpiece and closer to your mouth when buzzing...
  As a horn player I'm so use to holding my left hand up when I play, that actually buzzing with the mouthpiece in my right hand helped me lessen that "automatic horn-playing mode" that I was working so hard to get out of my body. In a way it is kind of like a sensory trick (neurologist use sensory tricks to help trick the brain into thinking that it is doing something different). It may not seem like it makes a huge difference at first, but over time I found that buzzing out of my right hand helped lessen my spasms.
  
  Also holding the mouthpiece around the cup or closer to the rim with my fingers/hand allowed me to have more control. Usually we are taught by our teachers to hold the mouthpiece with only two fingers near the end of the shank so that way we use more of our embouchure muscles and air to control the buzz, rather than relying on pressure. But with dystonia, the opposite is necessary....we need to help our embouchure out by holding the mouthpiece in a secure way. If we try to buzz while the mouthpiece is loosely set upon our lips, it's a million times harder/worse and brings out the spasms and dystonia symptoms even more. At least this was the case for me! So I absolutely had to do whatever was most comfortable for me and allowed me to work with my dystonia symptoms....none of the traditional methods of playing or pedagogy could help me...I really had to completely ignore or unlearn every so called "good" habit ingrained, and instead had to trust my body and allow it to tell me what to do. I had to be highly in tune with my dystonia symptoms and how they functioned.
  
  Again, as I improved, the less I needed the sensory tricks and crutches to help me play. But these steps were absolutely necessary for my recovery when my dystonia symptoms were at their worst.
  ....same goes for when transferring over to your horn. Try playing your horn with the right hand, and no use of tongue! 
• Playing Stop-Muted
  Playing with a straight mute or practice mute in the bell made my symptoms worse. But stop-muting the bell with my hand actually helped. I don't know why the sensation of the stop-muting helped, but I believe it helped physically and also with my sound. I always sounded much better stop-muted, so I practiced this way about half-way through the second year of retraining.
• Playing With or Without a Mirror
  Before I was diagnosed, I was constantly looking in the mirror at my embouchure when I practiced because it looked as if all of my muscles were melting or becoming distorted. I became too obsessed with trying to correct my dysfunctional embouchure at first; by trying to flatten my chin and straighten my corners, but nothing was working.
  So throughout the first part of retraining after diagnosis, I had to focus more on feeling things, rather than looking at my embouchure in the mirror. However, I eventually did need the mirror, because it did help me become more aware of what my symptoms were; I could see where every little twitch/spasm occurred and on which note. I could see when the left side of my lower lip started to droop, etc.
  It was important to use a mirror, but in moderation, and only when I became less analytical about trying to "fix" my embouchure. It wasn't until I started to focus more on "feel" that I could start using the mirror more often to observe my symptoms.
• Playing other instruments
  At first this didn't help me. Actually it didn't help for quite a few years. But after regaining some abilities. playing other instruments started to help. They helped condition my muscles in a different area or way, and this allowed me to transfer those adapted muscles and use to my horn playing.
• Changing Mouthpiece Angle
  Constantly changing my mouthpiece angle to find a more comfortable position helped greatly. Even though the angle and position of my mouthpiece changed almost every 2 minutes or every day, it still helped to experiment and seek out a spot on my lips and angle that helped me regain more of a grasp on my notes.
• Sensory Work
  This should actually be logged under body-movement methods, because it deals more with retraining your sensation  - sensory tricks or body mapping.
  
  Practicing using non-focused air is key! If you can get either a small windmill to blow on, or a feather, this will help. Practice blowing with loose, wide, and unfocused air coming out of your lips. Think of the type of air you huff and puff when angry....if your lips and your cheek/facial muscles are truly loose, then you should feel the air fill up both cheeks a little, or the air will fill up and puff out near the corners of your lips, or even lower near your chin.
  
  Practice putting things up to your lips; like a spoon touching the surface of your lips, or practice blowing through a really wide straw (like the ones that they give you for bubble tea). It sounds silly, but it's a way of desensitizing your body and brain from constant "mouthpiece/automatic horn playing mode." When your brain realizes that not everything you put up to your lips is a horn, it helps. Because that's basically what it is doing. I had so many problems with drinking from a water bottle or even a coffee cup with a cap on it, just because my spasms would kick in as if I were playing the horn.
  
  Holding bubbles of air in my cheeks and mouth helped a lot to (just don't fill them up too much because it can actually open or damage a gland in your cheek, so be careful). 

There weren't too many external modifications, but the ones that I listed helped me. The exercises that I will write about next are what helped me tame my dystonia symptoms the most.

First Orchestra Concert in Six Years!

I had the honor of performing with the Longmont Symphony Orchestra in Colorado this last weekend. I took a risk and said yes to subbing for the 4th horn player, thinking that it would be doable with a couple easy pieces and one large more difficult piece.

But boy was I wrong about the programming! The concert included Pines of Rome, Enigma Variations, Daphnis & Chloe, and Strauss's Four Last Songs. There was transpositions in bass clef and old notation in some of the pieces and a tiny solo for 4th horn.

I had never been much of a low horn player, even before dystonia, I primarily held principal positions. It was too late to turn back now. Plus I had worked so hard and looked forward to such an opportunity for so long! I decided to prepare for it and hope for the best come rehearsal time. We only got two rehearsals and then the concert.

I was surprised that things went so well! I was so nervous about my dystonia kicking in during the long stretches of held notes throughout all of Strauss. I was scared that either spasms would violently through me off the notes (i.e. ending them abruptly), or I wouldn't have enough grasp on the notes to adjust my intonation if needed to (combined with using my right hand in the bell). But all the pieces turned out to be totally doable thanks to my mouthpiece that made things so much more comfortable.

I have been playing trumpet on a daily basis with my students. I have one class of literally 10 beginner trumpet players this year. For over a year now I've been having to play so many different instruments due to teaching; mainly flute, clarinet, oboe, trumpet, and trombone. On all of them I started out shaky, but my dystonia symptoms have receded a great deal over the year.

Trumpet is the one instrument I've spent the most amount of time playing. My dystonia symptoms are actually significantly less severe on trumpet than any of the other brass instruments. Luckily I own a french horn mouthpiece designed by a trumpet player (you can totally tell if you ever get the chance to look at it) and it looks like a trumpet mouthpiece almost. The rim is contoured like a trumpets, the body is funnel-shaped, but then it is a heavy and thick/dense mouthpiece. Probably as heavy as a trombone mouthpiece.

The feeling of the trumpet rim (it's A LOT of RIM!) on a horn mouthpiece has done a bit of sensory trick for me and my symptoms don't kick in as often. I can't play very much in the high range, but that's due to the mouthpiece and it's rim contour and thickness. However, my notes are stable.

Enough about my mouthpiece! Here are some photos from my first rehearsal. Both rehearsals and the concert went smoothly. I definitely needed that feeling of playing in an orchestra again. It was way over due. I took a risk because I knew I could do it, even if it took a lot of physical effort. I was very proud of how much progress I've made and that I'm able to perform even the slightest bit or every blue moon again. There have been so many days, months, and years missing playing with an orchestra, so even having the chance to relive it once again, just once, is a dream come true!

Monthly Shared Article: Sax and Clarinet Player Tim Redpath on Embouchure Dystonia

Really wonderful insight into his personal experience with FTSED. Thank you Tim for sharing your story!

Originally published in Clarinet & Saxophone Magazine (2013):

https://www.cassgb.org/features/post/musicians-dystonia-a-silent-plague/

Video: Collapsed and Puckered Embouchure with Dystonia

Haven't recorded a video in a really long time! Well, after a long duration of time of having very few symptoms, I of course get a day full of intense relapse symptoms. So I thought I'd record my relapse and also show what the symptoms look like on both a puckered, and on a collapsed embouchure.

So many people think that in order to overcome embouchure dystonia it requires a "fixing" of the embouchure setup by either puckering more, or loosening the embouchure more...and although less tension is key, it isn't the answer to overcoming embouchure dystonia. No matter what way I form my embouchure, I still deal with the symptoms, and I always have to adapt to them and try to iron out the contractions to an extent. But the symptoms are never 100% non-existent.

*I want to clarify that it is my left side that has the most visual symptoms (i.e. air leaks, uncontrollable rolled out lower lip on the side, and corner moving all over the place), and my right side that looks stable, yet it feels stiff and flacid at the same time, and my upper lip is raised up so much on that side. 

I tried to actually plan out my recording this time. The first thing I did was play a low excerpt with a collapsed embouchure/no tongue (i.e. air-attacks) zoomed in and then zoomed out. The second thing I did was play the same low excerpt with an extremely puckered embouchure (as puckered as my muscles would allow me) with tonguing, zoomed in and then zoomed out. Then I did the same with the higher register excerpt. 

More Alternative Medicine/Therapies (Part 2): Body Movement Awareness Methods (Somatics), Modifications, and Musical Exercises for Focal Embouchure Dystonia

PART 2: Body Movement Awareness Methods (Somatics).

In my last post I spoke a little about being mindfully aware during physical rehabilitation. This is a huge part of recovery for me; making adjustments and modifications to help improve or redirect my tension into a less tense state of contraction based on both mindful awareness, and understanding of anatomy/functional muscle movement.

There are quite a few body methods out there that you may have heard of. Why these methods are important is because most of them focus on reprogramming a more efficient body map. Your body map is the brains general perception and understanding of ones body/movement/function based on the sensory input it's been receiving. This carries over to how we use our bodies with our instruments.

Body Movement Methods are technically referred to as somatics. Somatics refers to practices in the field of movement studies which emphasize internal physical perception. The term is used in movement therapy to signify an approach based on the soma or "the body as perceived from within."

I'm listing them here as a resource because knowing a little about them or even taking the time to take a course in one of these methods may be helpful to you, as they can help with the rehabilitation process...it doesn't mean that one method or any of the methods are the answer to overcoming dystonia, but can be used in aiding the physical rehabilitation process to an extent.  

I've noticed universities recently incorporating classes on some of these methods which is awesome to see!

Types of Body Movement Methods or Somatics

• Alexander Technique - Most musicians know of this method, and it is not uncommon these days to see it being taught as a course or summer course within music programs at universities or institutes. Alexander practitioners are certified and teach the course between 10-40 sessions. Alexander's approach focuses on mindful action. The instructor uses guided modelling with light hand contact for detecting and guiding the student past chronic pain and effort. It should be noted that A.T. is also used to help with stage-freight and anxiety too. Suggestions for improvements are student-specific/individual-specific, and the instructors analyze the student's responses, as well as using mirrors, video feedback, or classmate observations. The practitioner is well-trained in guiding free-movement.

• Feldenkrais - Feldenkrais was highly influenced by Judo. He taught that increasing a person's kinesthetic and proprioceptive self-awareness of functional movement could lead to increased function, reduced pain, and greater ease and pleasure of movement. The Feldenkrais Method is therefore a movement pedagogy, similar to the Alexander Technique in being educational and not a form of manipulative therapy. The method is experiential, providing tools for self-observation through movement enquiry. The practitioner directs attention to habitual movement patterns using gentle, slow, repeated movements. Slow repetition is believed to be necessary to impart a new habit and allow it to being to feel normal. These movements may be passive (performed by the practitioner on the recipient's body) or active (performed by the recipient). Feldenkrais is used to improve movement patterns rather than to treat specific injuries or illnesses. This holistic focus means that the primary intention is not to treat injuries. However, it can be used as a type of integrative medicine because correcting habitual movement patterns can help heal injury, pain, and physical dysfunction.

• Mitzvah Technique - is focused on dealing iwth body mechanics in a state of motion. It is a development of the Alexander Technique, the Feldenkrais Method and health-oriented work on musculoskeletal problems and stress diseases. Each of these techniques are based on correcting common postural faults by addressing  the neuromuscular system through postural re-education. Yet the Mitzvah Technique encompasses both a unique philosophy and a set of procedures. This includes the discipline, exercises, the work that Mitzvah Technique practitioners do with their hands. The Mechanism consists of a sequence of natural body movements that magnify the ripping motion in the body. There are four components to the Mechanism; (1) The interplay of physical forces acting between the pelvis and spine, (2) the rippling spinal motion, (3) the dynamic relationship involving the pelvis, spine and head in a synchronized motion, and (4) the freedom of the head to balance on its spinal support. All of these together promote the operation of the Mitzvah Mechanism. It is designed to improve posture and release tension and stress through exercises and therapeutic table work. It claims to realign, re-balance, and exercise the entire body during sitting, standing and waling. It's aim is to replace long-term work by practitioners, to have people learn how to use the technique itself. Musicians, actors, and singers have been extensive users.
  
  *These next two listed are not so much a body movement method (except Rolfing is kind of), but more of a alternative physical therapy that integrates somatic education into it's foundation.

• *Oral Myofascial Release (MFR) - This is what I currently have experience with. Myofascial release deals with built up/rigid connective tissue or fascia in the jaw-joint and muscles surrounding the face. My acupuncturist was a specialist in John F. Barnes technique of MFR, which is a much gentler approach to releasing the tissue tension than the traditional way. Typically they will wear a glove and push their fingers against pressure points inside of your mouth (in the cheek or back of jaw) and they hold it for 2-6 minutes until the tissue releases; this is highly painful but extremely relieving afterwards.When I think of the jaw-joint, I compare it to the wrist-joint. A lot of woodwind players or typist get carpel tunnel, which is connective tissue built up in the wrist. The same thing can happen to our jaw-joint...it too can build connective tissue and cause our jaw to be unaligned, in pain, cause TMJ, or build more tension.

• *Rolfing - It is very similar to myofascial release to an extent. It is a holistic system of soft tissue manipulation and movement education that organizes the whole body in gravity. It is essentially identical to structural integration. The difference between myofascial release is the cumulative process over ten session. Although myofascial release techniques derived form the work of Ida Rolf, it does not have the same strategic planning as rolfing. The various parts of the human body relate synergistically to each other, therefore rolfing integrates the whole body or various parts of the body, rather than focusing on one central area.

• Andover Educators - This is actually not a method, but a service. I wanted to list this here as a resource. Bodymap.org is the home of Andover Educators, a non-profit organization of music educators committed to saving, securing, and enhancing musical careers by providing accurate information about the body in movement. 

Psychological Aspects of Recovery: Mental and Emotional Obstacles Faced with Musician's Dystonia (FTSED and FTSHD).

In the past I would have refrained from writing about this area of recovery because of the tendency of others to immediately hop on the psychological bandwagon belief that Musician's Dystonia is simply an underlying psychological or emotional disorder. As I have stated throughout many of my writings that I do not support that belief whatsoever, nor do I believe it is the true cause of this neurological disorder. That is not to say that there is no psychological effect involved that must be addressed.

It is what I consider one of the 3 major stages of rehabilitation; (1) Educating oneself on the disorder, treatments, rehabilitation methods, other related injuries/areas, the body (movement and anatomy), and literally anything involving musician's health. (2) retraining the mind (psychological cognitive restructuring). (3) Rebuilding Neuro-pathways (Physical Rehabilitation). 

These are my own opinions. However, it is safe to say that without a doubt anyone who has been marked with a major physical setback or injury naturally inherits emotional hurdles afterwards. As it takes a huge blow to ones self worth, it leaves us with doubts in our capabilities, dislike in our concept of sound, we start to over-analyze out of pure confusion and trying to fix what is going wrong with technique, and it leaves us overwhelmed and lost in the stages of grief. Sometimes we don't even realize that we are in grief or are in denial of it.

It is best to address the psychological aspects first and foremost before any musician tries to start physically rehabilitating. I believe they should be in a healthy frame of mind and emotionally stable. Many musicians who are hit with this disorder panic and want answers right away. They are very confused and don't want to accept the current state they are in. The only problem is that part of the answer IS embracing the current state. Mind you that embracing a temporary state/setback does not mean it defines you or that you're giving up. The disorder does not define who you are or who you will be. There is a difference.

Being diagnosed with what is considered a career-ending disorder is scary and devastating. It is hard to see the silver lining when it seems there are vague answers and not just one solution to overcoming it. It takes a great deal of courage and optimism to look at it in positive light, and no one is ready to do that until they've allowed themselves to grieve and face the possibility of their worst fears.

But I look at it as facing ones fears and saying, "Even though I believe I will beat this disorder, I'm not scared of the worst that could happen because here are the good things that can come out of it...." It's like facing your fear in order to overcome it. Once you experience it, it no longer holds a death grip on you.

I can already hear my musician friends saying, "What good could come out of this awful situation?" In order to come to that point, you have to go through the stages of grief. You must cry over the misfortune, get angry, yell, curse others, become bitter if you have to, go through highs and lows, desperately ask for help, ask "why me?"...whatever it takes to heal no matter how bad it feels. But then there comes a time where you do feel you have a choice; you can continue mourning or build up the courage and say, "I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of hating the way I sound due to the spasms. I'm tired of fearing my instrument, being frustrated, confused, fearing the worst, and living like this in misery." Then you find the strength to fight. Once you are ready, there is a lot you must change about the way you think, and in a big picture type of way...

• The first and most important thing I have found is learning to separate your worth from the instrument and center yourself.

We are gifted with the love of (sharing) music. It initially started off as a feeling and transferred to an instrument that resonated with us personally. Yet this gift of the love of music is still with us, even if we can not play for the time being. The instrument does not define who we are or our gift, just like our disorder does not. We must believe that our knowledge of music and passion is meant to be shared, that all we've done in the field is not for nothing. Being gifted with music means we have the choice to share it in more ways than just one. Focusing on another area of music or field/activity that reminds us of that love surprisingly allows us to still remain connected to the gift. It may not give us as "full" of a feeling as we had before, but it can as time goes by and we find our confidence returning in something music or non-music related that we didn't know we had a talent for.

Having Dystonia allows us to focus on other areas of our lives that we didn't get to do while focused on performance. We have more time to build relationships, explore new areas, work on our health, study something we never got a chance to do.  Some are too afraid to try to live again, to seek out something similar out of fear that it won't be the same.

We are literally brought back to the major question of "Why do we love our instrument so much? and where do our priorities fall? It also makes us question what is success? Did we love our success more than the music? Dystonia really grounds us and brings us back to why we love music. Success and failure are one and the same. There are no rewards/praise for success. The reward we found in music when younger was that feeling of exploration. We could make a million mistakes and still love the way we sounded. Yet the more advanced you become you lose that sense of exploration, creativity, curiousity, and unconditional love and acceptance of how one sounds.

• That leads me to the second thing. You must embrace the way you sound and love it.

I am dead serious when I say it is vital that you revert back to that childhood state of mind in order to embrace your dystonia. Dystonia must be confronted with that same feeling of exploration, curiosity, and unconditional love and acceptance of how one sounds.

Seeing other people play music, even small children, reminds me of what a tremendous blessing music is in this world. It's meant to be used as a form of expression whether or not it sounds good or bad...it has meaning and that is all that matters. Technique no longer matters, all the blabbering about breathing, hitting the notes, using articulation, etc. All that matters is embracing the love of music and letting go of the ego, the success, or judgement, and really appreciating what a gift it is to have music in the world. I imagine my feeling is similar to that of someone who has lost one of their senses like sight or hearing. We don't realize how truly miraculous something is until it is gone. We appreciate it more, aim to protect it, and love it in a way that is no longer criticizing, demanding, or taking it for granted as we did before.

I'm serious when I say I absolutely love hearing beginning band students play.
I believe that is the kind of love it takes; to embrace music with no judgement, or at least an appreciation for it that is much deeper than before.

• Third. Shift your focus from the performance mentality to relaxed awareness. 

I learned to not fight my symptoms or judge them, but to let them happen and just relax into a state of awareness. (ex. "I'm noticing that it's easier to grab an F than a G, and the angle of my mouthpiece made a difference today"). That way you are focused more on feeling things out than fixing things with technique or judging the way you sound. Your body knows what to do and is trying to tell you something, so listen to it and get to know the symptoms well. I started taking an inventory of my symptoms and recording myself. The more I played with an open, loving, and aware mind, the more I discovered and adjusted my playing over time and saw improvement.

Performance mentality focuses on analyzing technique, physical agility, skills and accuracy. Relaxed awareness is what is needed instead. Focusing on embracing the symptoms, getting to know when they happen, looking at them with curiosity, exploring ways to lessen them through adjustments and modifications.It seems pretty simplistic and basic, but it works if you have patience and don't rush the process of recovery.

Though this may sound odd, there are some other things I did to help embrace my dystonia sound; telling my horn thank you and that I loved it no matter how it sounded, recording myself and listening to it with love, sympathy, and curiosity. Also practicing mantras, visualizations, building self-esteem, and treating myself like a survivor and not a victim were other major factors in changing my state of mind. Also farther down the road I liked listening to recordings of the horn before I fell asleep and visualized that my playing felt just as smooth and effortless. Pretty soon I started having vivid dreams about playing easily and this boosted my energy and happiness the more it occurred.

I started off practicing in a practice room with a piece of paper over the window. As I got more comfortable with accepting my sound, I removed the paper. Eventually I moved into a larger classroom, and then a stage. I adapted myself so that I did not fear the way I sounded in front of others. Whenever the thought that someone might be judging me popped up I would tell myself, "They are not judging me, I must be judging myself harshly to assume so. Even if they are, they do not know what they are doing. If they are, I feel sorry that they have been brainwashed to look down so shallowly on the act of making music which is a beautiful thing. I must remember I am now at a higher state of mind than what I had before and I love the way I sound no matter what. I must let go of the inner critic. I love myself. I love my sound. I accept it."

• This leads me to the fourth thing that I have learned. It is important to surround yourself with people and environments that help promote a healthy state of mind.

Teaching beginning band students helped me a lot, and this is actually why I'm going into teaching. I love working with students who are just starting to learn music because that is when I most clearly see the importance of music. In a way it is living my life up to my ultimate rule...that it's always about the expression of music and imagination more than anything else. It is similar to developing strong morals and values and sticking to them, living them, breathing them, becoming them.

My students never judged the way I sounded and instead thought it was the best thing on earth. It reminded me of how children are much more centered (mentally and emotionally) than adults can be. They are in that state of daydreaming and imagination all the time. I am happy to influence them in a positive way and help them find balance in not only their abilities, but way of thinking/approach too. It was much healthier for me to be around children with this state of mind than performing in a group full of adults that are way too hard on themselves and others.

Many Dystonic musicians who talk to me usually ask me how I feel about playing in a group. They hate it when I tell them that I am against people playing in an ensemble of high caliber or even of musicians that would not understand what they are going through. I think it is important at the beginning of rehabilitation to focus on yourself and spend time playing alone and not aggravating things. Later on as playing gets better, then maybe if psychologically prepared for it, but playing in a group can add even more anxiety, pressure, demands, fear, frustration, and stress that you already deal with when facing the dystonia symptoms; not knowing if things will come out correctly, or if you'll be able to play a passage, etc. Live concerts are the worst because it adds in adrenaline, and the adrenaline heightens the dystonic symptoms just like loud noise heightens or triggers a migraine. It's best to remove oneself from anything that worsens the symptoms for the time being.

Instead, surround yourself with a network of people who understand; whether it be the musician's dystonia group on facebook, write or visit with other musicians from the group or who you've come across online with dystonia, lean on a supportive teacher/mentor, etc. If you feel comfortable with talking to me, then by all means call me or message me if you need to. It's the least I can do for others.

If can, speak out about your dystonia. It is oddly relieving. Not everyone is comfortable with that, but for me it is a way of healing. Knowing that I am informing others (non-dystonic people) about this disorder that is rarely spoken of, makes me feel like I'm not wallowing in pain while keeping my mouth shut. I want others to know so that some day others who are in the same boat won't feel as alone or outcast. Yet, I always speak positively of it; never victimizing myself, but instead aim to promote awareness and understanding of the disorder.

I know this is not how everyone feels, but I believe that my dystonia was meant to happen for a reason. I may not understand the reason, but I choose to believe that it is because I am strong enough to handle it and navigate the tremendous loss, and that I am to help others and promote awareness about this disorder. I believe that what I'm experiencing is unique and it is rare to see anyone share their experiences about this disorder, so it must be done for the sake of healing and helping. I see a lot of injured musicians do this, and it makes me happy to see them channeling their love and support to others in need before themselves. This leads me to the importance of belief or hope....

• Last, but not least. Do your best to find the silver lining and say it out loud.

Physical rehabilitation tests your patience unlike any other. There are many days where you will get better, then relapse. There are many days where one adjustment might work and the next not. There are even more days where you just plain sink into depression again. The wound from losing what you love never truly goes away. It is not easy to stay optimistic about it all the time, and I don't suggest that anyone avoid their emotions; whether it be sad, angry, happy, excited, etc. It is important to go through the motions and let whatever you feel happen so that you can heal.

Creating some strong beliefs in yourself and your recovery will carry you further and support you when things get tough. When you are able to find the silver lining...even if it's not something you necessarily completely 100% believe yet...say it out loud no matter what. It could be something as simple as, "Maybe not today. But tomorrow." or "Can't have progress without some relapses." I always say it out loud, whisper it, or say it to myself in a mirror because it somehow feels more grounded and reassuring. I know I sound crazy for doing such things, but it makes a difference and that is all that matters. Whatever gives you strength, believe in it and hold onto it....not matter how ridiculous it may seem, look, or sound to others.

The psychological aspects of recovery are a huge obstacle to overcome! It is probably the most difficult part of rehabilitation. I see these psychological aspects as a very heavy fog that blinds us from the physical obstacles beyond that. Once the fog is lifted you can focus on the dystonic symptoms and alleviate them through physical therapy and rebuilding the neuro-pathways slowly over time. But first and foremost you have to be willing to embrace what is right in front of you and keep tremendous patience. Not everyone is ready to do that or needs help with it. Some good options to help find what centers you is meditation, hypnosis, or it could be something spiritual or religious like going to church, it could even be helping others...whatever allows you to reflect inwards and face the grief at your own pace and allows you to think about a meaningful purpose of this experience. The good news is that you will see progress without a doubt, and time really does heal both the mind, body, and soul.

May Video Blog

This video was done on a whim, but I think I covered a couple improvements in the short amount of time filmed. Next time I'll use a tripod. haha! Will try get on here when can. :)

Interests: Gray's Anatomy - Fascia of the Cranium and Face

Sometimes I write facebook posts that I originally meant to post on my embouchure dystonia blog. This is one of them!...Finally bought the famous medical text. I'm always printing off excerpts from the fascia of the cranium and face section. Over two years ago I became extremely fascinated with any information published on the facial muscles and movement disorders.

Also I love studying the facial nerve and branches, trigeminal nerve and branches; including reading articles on bells palsy, trigeminal neuropathy, mental neuropathy, and peripheral neuropathy. I know it's weird, but ever since I was diagnosed with focal task-specific embouchure dystonia onset by neuropathy, I've been drawn to anatomy, neurology, alternative treatment/methods, research studies, and the various body movement methods too (Feldenkrais, Alexander Technique, Rolfing, Body Mapping, etc). All that good stuff. What has become of me?!?! Crazy isn't it.

Busy Bee

It feels like it's been ages since I've found time to log in and write a blog! I promise a video soon. I've been super busy, but life is good!!!

I've been focused on a huge list of things that need to be completed at CU, and also with new employment too. I wanted to make sure that my work was also music-related, and luckily I've been provided that! I help students test/pick out instruments, upgrade to intermediate or professional models, and help finance them! It's provided a great learning opportunity since I get to deal with the "music business" aspect of the field, and better understand instrumental rental and finance contracts. I also enjoy meeting all the teachers, and students/musicians.

This last week I ordered a new mouthpiece to try. I've been playing on my gold plated Farkas DC throughout rehabilitation, but you know how much I love experimenting to see if a size difference helps even the slightest bit. So far, my G17 helps with my mid-to-low range where my symptoms primarily effect me, but it lacks comfort and even harder to pivot from range to range...so my larger interval jumps are even more difficult to execute.

I decided to give the latest Dennis Wick-Paxman a try, so went ahead and ordered a DWPAX-6. It looks like the size of a trombone mouthpiece, but I want to see if this peculiar shaped mouthpiece will "feel" different enough to help me re-sensitize and also help with the size of my lips. I have to say I'm quite excited. It's larger, and it may help with my lower lip that can't seem to fit into my other mouthpieces which is causes me a ton of difficulties. I wanted to try something much bigger than what I typically play on. I am excited and will upload a video once it arrives and I try it out for a bit!

As far as my playing, I've definitely been building up my high chops. Well...I mean...high chops for me now classify as my treble clef range (space C up to line F on the top of the staff)...haha! Not like before where I didn't classify anything as high playing unless it was well above the staff....baroque stratosphere.

I'm really happy! I've now started playing excerpts!!! My large interval movement/jumps have been getting better. It's hard to describe how, but here's a go at it.....I've found air attacks help me land on lower pitches after jumping off a higher one, causes me to not have as many spasms. Therefore, there is a TON of large movements in my face, yet the feeling of "lack of control" and chances of spasms/involuntary contractions has lessened significantly. Because it is hard for the viewer (visually) to tell the difference between what movements are dystonic and which are intentional/a result of my air attacks, it's hard to see the improvement.

I'm able to tell there's a difference in improvement, because I "feel" it...but I think for the viewer, the best evidence is in the way I sound, despite all the large movement. It "sounds" more comfortable to me and like it's "easier" to play, despite all the movement. For me, a dystonic movement is one that doesn't enable me...one that is out of my own control.

Anywhoo! There's a lot to catch up on, and hopefully I'll be able to keep up on the blog, at least once a month at the least. That's all I have to write for now! Thanks for reading, and for your support throughout my recovery.....I remain optimistic as always!

- Katie

Treble Clef Range and Adding in Tonguing Begins!!!

I've been so happy since the recording of my last video! That recording went amazing and captured a lot of the exciting improvements! But even more exciting, is the fact that there's been more progress made since then. I will record a video soon! Lately I've been able to go higher, and noticed my chin finally started to flex more in my treble clef range. It's working hard just like it did in my middle range before. My lower lip that was sticking out, is much more flexible now, and I feel I have a little more control over it. I can practice for about 2 hours before my endurance is shot.

The downside about improvement as I am able to finally venture higher into my range is I have to take an even longer break after practicing. I have to take 4-6 days off just to make sure my face feels refreshed and ready to go again. I'm being very careful.

In the past, I was very concerned about how long I ventured into my treble clef range because it often, if not all the time, caused tension to build back up quite fast. I spoke about how if I played in my treble clef range for a bit, and then tried to jump back down into my low range or mid-to-low range, it would be difficult for my embouchure to relax again and for the tension to go down. Playing in my treble clef range (i.e. from space F up to space C) was very taxing on my facial muscles before. It also effected me in the way that I could play a repetitive passage in my treble clef range for a couple seconds before the tension took over and my embouchure collapsed. It was a huge combination of the tension restricting me, and lack of endurance....so two separate things, yet, both effected me when I ventured higher. 

The tension from the dystonia is harder to tell how it effects me in my higher range, since you can't see any involuntary contractions, or twitches, but you can tell it limits my mobility as my face seems to have a hard time just relaxing in my higher register, and my chin, just like how it use to react to my middle register, couldn't make up it's mind on whether it wanted to flatten out or bunch...it fluctuates as I hold a note out. 

However! Recently these issues have been lessening since last month. Today during practice, I noticed my endurance was a million times better than usual. As well, even though I felt tense in my face and thought maybe I was going through another relapse, it didn't take long to iron out the tension. Then after the tension was relieved, I noticed how much more the control of that lower lip sticking out was improved and felt less limp, and the movements in my face as I tongued was a ton less than before, and the movements in my face when I jumped around were less of that "stuck in the mud" type of feeling, even on my open harmonics it's less noticeable movement and difficulty in my playing. My muscles don't seem to be freaking out as much as they usually do, nor does it take a long time to relax them after playing in a higher register. The air leaks in my treble clef range didn't kick in until about 2 hours into practice, and also didn't show up on my "space C", but on  my "line D"...so my range has expanded one more note! WOOHOO!!! :D I can usually play up to a high F, but my lack of endurance restricts me to only be able to reach the note 2 times if lucky. But, I can usually go through a practice with a range from "space C" all the way down to "pedal B" right below pedal F. 

A lot of people might think...you can practice for 2 hours? Then you must have good endurance. Not necessarily. With dystonia, practicing for 2 hours includes a lot of breaks and waiting...a lot of stretches! More stretches than practicing, and also taking the time to message my face inside and out, or even eating ice or putting some in the side of my cheek while I take a break, and playing in my pedal range to relax.

Majority of practice time is spent on relieving the tension, and the last quarter (sometimes it's half and half) of my practice, near the end, I test my larger interval motions, or melodic passages, or test to see how my tonguing, etc. is, and I'm always doing warm-down or lower pedal playing exercises between treble clef playing just to make sure I counteract the high playing with lower vibrations/playing ...I feel the pedal range vibrations around my embouchure help relax the tension. I feel this has been a huge part of my recovery too! Thank god for my pedal range. It is my life safer, along with buzzing, and stretches. 

Now that I feel it is safe to, and my muscles are adjusting to my treble clef range. With much carefulness, I am now beginning to focus on adding tonguing back into my playing, and holding notes out in my treble clef range....and of course...this requires the emphasis of good breath control to support it all; which thank god, I'm also able to do now. 

I can't wait to record my next video!!!! However, it may be in a week or 1.5 weeks, since I need time to rest. So far things are going great!!!! I will be reconnecting my blogger account with my google+ profile since I quit facebook. I need to focus more on myself, and getting things done. Be back soon! 

- Katie! :) 

August 5th Vlog: Melodic Playing - Post Relapse/After Relapse Has Passed

There's 4 more videos loading, but thought I'd publish the one that finished uploading.

This is actually the 5th video near the end of my practice session....and believe me, my endurance was running on empty by this time, but I was still testing out my larger interval motions and melodic passages to see what areas were most difficult. I wanted to post this one first since it's the only video I've recorded were all I do is play and don't speak. I was too focused on feeling things out.

*Note of caution: I don't usually ever play melodic stuff or etudes. It can be very tricky since I don't want to form old habits or make the tension in my face worse. I'm trying to rebuild a new pathway/way of playing with less tension. It is only now that I am able to test more melodic playing to see where the tension is when I try to play specific things. I do this every once in a while to see where things are from a broader view.. Anywhoo, this is not how or what I usually work on with my dystonic symptoms, but watching me play melodic pieces or passages can give a wider view of where the tension still effects me, that non-dystonic musician's might understand or see better, rather than me trying to explain it.

Video Part 5 August 5th - posted first:

Other 4 videos are the same where I'm doing more melodic playing, but talk here and there. You can probably tell by watching, I'm not having troubles with involuntary contractions/sporadic spasms....
.
...Though you see a lot of facial movement going on due to tonguing, these movements do not feel dystonic...that's the best way I can describe it. Also even though there may seem to be a lot of facial movement it is less than what existed in the past too.
These facial movements do not hurt, nor do they feel out of my control but weirdly natural and relaxed. I feel like the facial movements are my muscles finally working together towards a similar task perhaps, but without the opposing (dystonic) muscle fighting back...so it feels natural. I also think partially why there's so much movement is due to lack of endurance...another very distinct separate feeling from dystonic-type feelings/movement.

The main issue that's most noticeable right now is regaining control/flexibility in that lower left lip. I've been trying to work out the tension there, but it feels limp or non-responsive more than tense, but slowly regaining mobility as you can tell it rolls in and out more often naturally on it's own, but still pretty tough to work with...stubborn! But at least it's not as frustrating to work with as working with relapse symptoms. I think that's the hardest obstacle to overcome is the glitch-like spasms and contractions that make it impossible to even hold a note or grab a note.

But since this was after a relapse/post-relapse where I have an extended period of less difficult time playing; you can tell how much better and at ease my playing is compared to the last video posted on July 31st where I was going through heavy relapse symptoms.

Video Part 1 August 5th:

Video Part 2 August 5th

Video Part 3 August 5th

Video Part 4 August 5th

July 31st Working with Relapse Symptoms - Vlog Practice

 Yay! Finally got a video up. Haven't been able to find a place to record since moving to Denver. Luckily University of Denver music building was open yesterday evening...first time I heard myself play out loud/outside a mute in a longgggg time. 

Yesterday's session was pretty rough due to the relapse symptoms. But good that I captured it on camera...approx. 1 hour and 20 minutes of playing. [Also, I'm going to upload a video of what my playing is like after the relapse has passed; Link will be highlighted -->here ...as soon as it's posted.] 

You can see the areas where I struggle the most with the symptoms, but also how I work at ironing them out/reducing them. Tried to not talk a whole lot...but you know with me, I love talking/writing.

Anywhoo, here's the videos!! Lots of slow methodical practice. I was happy with the work done!!!







Part 1 - prep-work...and pedal range (working way upwards)

Part 2 ...more pedal range work and middle register, etc.

Part 3 - ...a bit of excerpts near the end. Thought I'd have a couple seconds of fun! :)

Part 4 ...arpeggios/open-harmonics, and octaves.