Motivational Listening: Brahms Horn Trio - Andante

Hands down, my absolute favorite recordings of this movement! Always has been! Always will be!!! (Barry Tuckwell)

Pride in Every Step

"Don't wait until you reach your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take." - Karen Salmansohn

Focal Dystonia (Violin) Film About Kenny Wong by director Julian Stamboulieh

Congratulatoins Kenny Wong on Best Actor of the Alternative Film Festival - Winter 2019! Film: Dystonia by director Julian Stambouleigh.

(Video) Timeline: My Embouchure Dystonia Rehabilitation Over The Years

Time Stamps of Tests
0:04 - December 2011 - A year before this first clip, I couldn't get a sound out
2:15 - January 2012 - Tonguing Mid-to-High Register, Slowing Things Down
6:39 - August 2013 - Transitioning between Low and Middle Range Gap
10:43 - August 2014 - Downward Movement and Large Interval Control
12:18 - March 2016
13:11 - August 2017 - Fluidity in Slurs, Paced Arpeggios, Held Notes
17:09 - April 2018 - Crossing Multiple Registers, Descended Landings.
19:44 - August 2018 - Melodic Passages and Descending Landings
21:52 - January 2019 - Crossing Multiple Registers, Descending Landings, Ascending Landings, Dynamic Control, and Tongue Control
23:28 - May 2019 - Upper Register; Ascending Landings and Grasp, Stability in Dynamic/Sound
24:42 - September 2019 - Holding Out Notes; Testing Length of Grasp

By FAR one of the most embarrassing videos of my face....lots of closeups, while having dystonia over the span of several years, while aging, while rolling out of bed, while gaining and losing weight, while going into my mid-30's, and crazy life stuff in general.

Wanted to post this for those who have Embouchure Dystonia. Keep up your efforts...I know it may seem like a long journey, but you can do it! <3 I'm new to editing videos even though I post videos on my blog all the time ....so have patience, will get better over time with practice.

This is the first timeline video I've done of my playing....approx 30 minutes. Please understand, even though I'm comfortable with showing my playing because I feel it's important and for a good cause, it doesn't mean I'm not vulnerable.

There's a reason musicians don't show this disorder upfront and why it's rarely documented thoroughly as such. Auff! 📯💔 Feel free to share though! I hope to spread Musician Dystonia Awareness.

Flautist Leslie Thompson: Determination to Continue Playing Music After Overcoming Car Accident

I love that they mention body mapping. Many music departments at universities are now offering courses or summer seminars in Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais, and Rolfing.

Happy to see a news article spreading awareness of musician injuries/disabilities, explaining how common injuries are, the importance of health education, and how adaptation is a key component in recovery (this also applies to dystonia).

Last, but not least, it's more than inspiring to see flautist Leslie Thompson share her journey of surviving a car accident and her determination to continue playing music.

She was fortunate to have Andree Martin as her professor during this time, who understands disabling setbacks all too well. Andree is not only trained as a body map clinician (Andovers Educator), but has recovered a great deal herself from focal hand dystonia and has a remarkable journey to share too.

Believe It's Possible

💕

Have No Fear and Embrace Life

"I am not afraid of difficulties. It is perhaps easier, and certainly safer, to follow a beaten path, but it is also dull, uninteresting and futile." --Dmitri Shostakovich

 

Never Give Up!

Helping Others On This Journey

We're all in it together...

Mountain Reflection

"One day, the mountain that is in front of you will be so far behind you, it will barely be visible in the distance. But the person you become in learning to get over it? That will stay with you forever. And that is the point of the mountain."

~ Brianna Wiest

Art by: SpaceFrog

Blue Mountain Reflection

Don't Judge...

There are some things in life you will certainly never understand unless you have been through it yourself....
❤️📯❤️📯❤️📯❤️📯
#musiciansdystonia #embouchuredystonia #neurologicaldisorders #sensoryimpairment #motoroverflow

Recovery is Not Linear...

The Phoenix Project: Rise from the Ashes by Ashley Gulbranson (French Horn)

This amazing recital in March was hosted by French horn player Ashley Gulbranson at the University of Colorado Boulder. I really wanted to attend it in person because I travel to Boulder for perforamances almost every year, since it's not that far away.

This recital in particular was significant! It features new works created for musicians recovering from Focal Dystonia. The first compositions of this kind to exist!! I did however get to watch the live stream which I posted below.

Though I don't know anyone from the project directly since it's been years since I was a student at CU-Boulder, I can't explain how exciting and heart warming this initiative is. Having this disorder is a difficult, unnerving, and solitary journey at times, even if you know others who can relate.

I know a lot of blood, sweat, and tears probably went into this substantial DMA work. Please have a listen, especially if you are a horn player with embouchure dystonia.

Link to the video recording of the recital:

https://www.facebook.com/ashley.gulbranson/videos/10156558376583705/UzpfSTEwMDAyOTAyNzk0NzM4NDoxODI0Njc0NzYwNjQxODM/

Return to Orchestral Playing

Hi everyone! In case you didn't know, I took a huge leap and started playing in a local orchestra again this past November. It's a community orchestra, so nothing too crazy or strenuous on my face. I'm hoping it will allow me to take my time re-introducing myself to playing more on a consistent basis.

It definitely has been helping a lot! Granted I never could have handled this years ago, and I would never recommend playing in a group during the onset or height of dystonia. However, I find it majorly beneficial at this stage of recovery.

There was a time when I realized I had to get back into the swing of things, instead of just taking small gigs or subbing. However, it can seem like a journey in itself trying to find the right environment that supports you and willing to take an injured musician in. Most of the time I have to mention it afterwards and hope for the best, and if not, then it's not where I want or need to be in the first place.

The last big orchestra gig I did was in 2017 for the Longmont Symphony, which is an advanced and professional sounding orchestra. Therefore it was nerve-wracking at first, but oh boy, did I have sooooo much fun just being surrounded by players of that caliber and feeling alive again. I played 4th horn on Pines of Rome, Daphnis and Chloe, Strauss 4 Last Songs, and Elgar Variations.

However, my very first time playing in a group since 2010/diagnosis was while subbing for a horn player in a unique jazz-orchestra ensemble called All Angles Orchestra, created by a former classmate of mine (Michael Conrad) who happened to be the doctoral teaching assistant of jazz at UNC (Colorado) at the time. He's now a professor and won several awards for his compositions. I didn't expect him to reach out to me because it had been so long (we attended undergrad together in Iowa) and also because of my setback, but I was so happy he did. It really pushed me to take that first leap of faith.

It can be a bit scary every time you take a gig, or even just playing alongside others at first. It can also be physically taxing committing to a group on a weekly basis if you're not sure you are ready or playing more makes your symptoms worse. It really depends.

However, I think if you are optimistic and know your limitations very well of what you can handle or not, everything can be manageable. The relapse days can be brutal sometimes, but they don't happen as often anymore, and very rarely are they so severe that I become concerned.

I still get to play some decent repertoire; we had our christmas concert in December, and now started opera season and some other great pieces. I'm playing 2nd (but currently covering 4th this month) on the Firebird Suite, which is always fun to revisit on a different part, and playing a couple light pieces like La Gazza Ladra. I've always been a lead/principal player most of my life, and ever since the height of my dystonia back in 2010, I have been on 4th horn whenever I play in a group. That's not to say it's a bad thing, but it has taught me a lot and helped me also separate that ego from needing to be the best. All-in-all it has been an ongoing lesson.

I look forward to orchestra rehearsals every weekend! I LOVE it, very much. I forget how therapeutic it is and how much I need to be a part of a music group. Before I was either playing via demonstrating for students or having to play with them due to teaching. It's not the same as making music in an actual ensemble. Therefore, I never felt fulfilled to a certain degree.

I actually ran into a former CU-Boulder classmate who is a trumpet player, and also a bassoon player who use to volunteer to help out at concerts at the school I use to teach at for El Sistema. The conductor of this orchestra has a great sense of humor and I can tell it's a healthy environment.

I just recently watched a video where Dr. Farias discusses how one of the key components during the recovery process from any type of dystonia is re-introducing yourself to a former social environment or activity you use to do. It will greatly improve your wellbeing and facilitates the progress more than you would imagine.

I know that a lot of musician's with embouchure dystonia are not able to take this step for many reasons, or it can be just the mere fact that dystonia makes things so unpredictable and unstable at times.

Overall I am really proud of where I'm at and just taking my time trying to regain the last portion of my abilities. I feel as though I have about 70% of my abilities back, and on relapse days 60%. I know that's a weird figure...but I don't know how else to explain it.

I know a lot of people think, believe, or will tell you that embouchure dystonia is an absolute end to your dreams and career. The truth is that if you believe that B.S., it will do you nothing but harm and may even stop you from recovering at all.

Believing in a 100% recovery is half the battle. I seriously will not give up, even if I die trying. Even if I'm 90 years old and lost all my teeth...I'm not the quitting type, and the more the odds are stacked against me, the more fuel to my fire and determination to prove those out there wrong.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this moment in my life. It may seem like a small step, but small steps add up over time. I hope that it provides hope to others who may be afraid that they won't ever play among other musicians again, or even enjoy it.

That's all for now, have a wonderful day, and never give up on your recovery efforts! :-)

Embouchure Dystonia: I'm a Survivor

I was driving home yesterday and I heard this song called Survivor by Zach Williams and it brought me to tears.

This song hit close to home and relates to how I cope with living with embouchure dystonia, how I find the strength to keep going and use relapses or any life setbacks as fuel to my fire.

I usually don't share this kind of stuff. Although I am not religious and don't belong to any denomination, I am still spiritual in my own undefined way and I respect everyone's beliefs or lack-there-of. So don't want to be labeled as pushing religion on others.

I just wanted to share something a little more personal and that uplifts me. Don't know if anyone else can relate to it, but felt I should share a daily dose of what inspires me to continue overcoming focal embouchure dystonia.

The Explorer

Having Embouchure Dystonia is like this....except -50 steps behind the beginner level student. Imagine if you had the knowledge, understanding, years of training, and experience of what it takes to be a professional, but you can no longer execute a single note out of your instrument naturally.

It really sucks. I mean, it is one of the hardest setbacks to deal with, yet  I love this quote. It is the right mentality despite how many highs or lows that overcome us. We must be willing to be a beginner in order to start recovery and maintain it. Even more so I prefer the term explorer; i.e. wide eyed, creative, open minded, and always searching for answers. We are constantly exploring and building new neuropathways in order to adapt to dystonia.

The Right Mentality and Some Humor

I found this lovely spoof on Nike ads from The Hornzone on facebook!

Mantras

Just wanted to share my mantras in both Latin and English. These give me the greatest amount of inner strength no matter when or what I'm going through. I use them during meditation or when playing horn or in prayer. One of my biggest strengths is perseverance, and these mantras accurately reflect my mentality whenever encountering obstacles/life challenges. They resonate so well with me and I always keep them close to my heart. Happy Valentines day everyone, I hope these help your inner strength shine through as well.

New Facebook Group and Forum for Musicians with Dystonia

Hi everyone! Just wanted to chime in and share 2 new groups/forums I created for musicians with dystonia on facebook! ....

• Musicians with Focal Dystonia & Neurologist Sharing Knowledge and Resources
    ......This group is for Musicians with FD and Neurologists. The group is focused on scientific-based knowledge, resources, case-studies, and to share personal trial/error done through scientific method of documentation and observation. This is not an emotional group or a place to advertise; no tolerating emotional lashing out or soliciting of cures (or the source of FD) without proper documentation, publication, and that it can be successfully applied to all.
  
  
• Musicians with Focal Dystonia Emotional Support Group
  ........This group is for Musicians with FD, and focuses on leaning on each other and connecting with others who share the same struggle of coping with this disorder. Here we share our progress, relapses, and personal journey.
  
  Hoping that these groups will provide additional support, connections, and resources! :-)

First Orchestra Concert in Six Years!

I had the honor of performing with the Longmont Symphony Orchestra in Colorado this last weekend. I took a risk and said yes to subbing for the 4th horn player, thinking that it would be doable with a couple easy pieces and one large more difficult piece.

But boy was I wrong about the programming! The concert included Pines of Rome, Enigma Variations, Daphnis & Chloe, and Strauss's Four Last Songs. There was transpositions in bass clef and old notation in some of the pieces and a tiny solo for 4th horn.

I had never been much of a low horn player, even before dystonia, I primarily held principal positions. It was too late to turn back now. Plus I had worked so hard and looked forward to such an opportunity for so long! I decided to prepare for it and hope for the best come rehearsal time. We only got two rehearsals and then the concert.

I was surprised that things went so well! I was so nervous about my dystonia kicking in during the long stretches of held notes throughout all of Strauss. I was scared that either spasms would violently through me off the notes (i.e. ending them abruptly), or I wouldn't have enough grasp on the notes to adjust my intonation if needed to (combined with using my right hand in the bell). But all the pieces turned out to be totally doable thanks to my mouthpiece that made things so much more comfortable.

I have been playing trumpet on a daily basis with my students. I have one class of literally 10 beginner trumpet players this year. For over a year now I've been having to play so many different instruments due to teaching; mainly flute, clarinet, oboe, trumpet, and trombone. On all of them I started out shaky, but my dystonia symptoms have receded a great deal over the year.

Trumpet is the one instrument I've spent the most amount of time playing. My dystonia symptoms are actually significantly less severe on trumpet than any of the other brass instruments. Luckily I own a french horn mouthpiece designed by a trumpet player (you can totally tell if you ever get the chance to look at it) and it looks like a trumpet mouthpiece almost. The rim is contoured like a trumpets, the body is funnel-shaped, but then it is a heavy and thick/dense mouthpiece. Probably as heavy as a trombone mouthpiece.

The feeling of the trumpet rim (it's A LOT of RIM!) on a horn mouthpiece has done a bit of sensory trick for me and my symptoms don't kick in as often. I can't play very much in the high range, but that's due to the mouthpiece and it's rim contour and thickness. However, my notes are stable.

Enough about my mouthpiece! Here are some photos from my first rehearsal. Both rehearsals and the concert went smoothly. I definitely needed that feeling of playing in an orchestra again. It was way over due. I took a risk because I knew I could do it, even if it took a lot of physical effort. I was very proud of how much progress I've made and that I'm able to perform even the slightest bit or every blue moon again. There have been so many days, months, and years missing playing with an orchestra, so even having the chance to relive it once again, just once, is a dream come true!