Focal Embouchure Dystonia: Christmas Carols!

Merry Christmas!!! Here are some Christmas carols! ⛄❄⛄❄⛄❄⛄ Recorded this 30 minutes before work, in a straight mute, and no warm-up! Proud of how I sound despite no time to release tension thru prep-work. I know it's not easy to love the sound when you have embouchure dystonia, but gotta love it more than anything no matter what comes out or doesn't! Only way to enjoy playing is taking pride in what you can do...no matter how miniscule! Not focusing on what you can't do. 💕 Lots of love to the dystonian music community, and of course to my friends and family! 📯🎶🎉 #embouchuredystonia #musiciansdystonia #loveyoursound #beproud #playout

(Video) Timeline: My Embouchure Dystonia Rehabilitation Over The Years

Time Stamps of Tests
0:04 - December 2011 - A year before this first clip, I couldn't get a sound out
2:15 - January 2012 - Tonguing Mid-to-High Register, Slowing Things Down
6:39 - August 2013 - Transitioning between Low and Middle Range Gap
10:43 - August 2014 - Downward Movement and Large Interval Control
12:18 - March 2016
13:11 - August 2017 - Fluidity in Slurs, Paced Arpeggios, Held Notes
17:09 - April 2018 - Crossing Multiple Registers, Descended Landings.
19:44 - August 2018 - Melodic Passages and Descending Landings
21:52 - January 2019 - Crossing Multiple Registers, Descending Landings, Ascending Landings, Dynamic Control, and Tongue Control
23:28 - May 2019 - Upper Register; Ascending Landings and Grasp, Stability in Dynamic/Sound
24:42 - September 2019 - Holding Out Notes; Testing Length of Grasp

By FAR one of the most embarrassing videos of my face....lots of closeups, while having dystonia over the span of several years, while aging, while rolling out of bed, while gaining and losing weight, while going into my mid-30's, and crazy life stuff in general.

Wanted to post this for those who have Embouchure Dystonia. Keep up your efforts...I know it may seem like a long journey, but you can do it! <3 I'm new to editing videos even though I post videos on my blog all the time ....so have patience, will get better over time with practice.

This is the first timeline video I've done of my playing....approx 30 minutes. Please understand, even though I'm comfortable with showing my playing because I feel it's important and for a good cause, it doesn't mean I'm not vulnerable.

There's a reason musicians don't show this disorder upfront and why it's rarely documented thoroughly as such. Auff! 📯💔 Feel free to share though! I hope to spread Musician Dystonia Awareness.

Video Recording: The Subtleties of Focal Embouchure Dystonia

Video 1: The subtleties of FTSED. I'm testing/practicing holding out notes (straight muted) 

Video 2: The subtleties of FTSED. I'm testing/practicing holding out notes (straight muted)

New Videos: 2 Concerto Snippets and 1 Excerpt

*All recorded/played with a straight mute.

Mozart Snippet

Franz Strauss Op. 8 Snippet

Till Eulenspiegel Snippet

Just recorded this after rolling out of bed. Whenever I haven't done my hair, makeup, or in my PJ's, I just zoom in 4.0 X on my embouchure. hahaha! ;-) Literally look like I woke up in a hay bail behind the camera. Even though my embouchure still looks like a crazy frowny mess, it's actually the most stable I've played on in years.

You'll probably notice when I play on my farkas deep cup I tend to shift to primarily upper lip, and lately the setting has been moving more to the right side, and although it's comfortable, I frown a lot more/embouchure collapses more. Whereas with my Dennis Wick Heavy Weight Mouthpiece in previous videos (the latest mouthpiece I play on sometimes) is primarily center lip with more lower lip involved and less frowning. I will use my Dennis Wick on days where my muscles just can't handle very much, as it requires less effort. However, I will always love my Farkas Deep Cup because of it's tone, and most of all when my symptoms aren't that bad and my muscles can handle it, it's so much fun to play on and I feel more stable.

I can grasp notes, tongue most, start and end majority of phrases. Most of all no spasms, just mainly lack of endurance or embouchure collapsing because of it...but luckily not collapsing because of the dystonia...there is a difference, but I can't explain it because it's something you feel with your sensory.  Also that dang lower lip on the left side has a mind of it's own as much as I try to flex it when needed.

Anywhoo, my phone wouldn't let me record more due to space, so I labeled these as snippets.

I'm not quite to the stage of being able to add in more musicality or to focus on that because I don't have that level of control quite fully yet. Definitely can't "polish" things up....there is no such thing as polishing things up when you have dystonia, unless you are nearly at a 99% recovery.

For now I'm just happy to be able to get through quite a bit despite the air leaks and collapsing embouchure.

Looking at Overactive Muscle Groups in Embouchure

Before I go on break, I just wanted to share a bit of my playing. Mainly to show an example of which muscles are currently overactive (receiving overactive signals), which ones are lacking feedback/loss of sensory - mainly paralysis in the lower lip (left side) and the entire left side of face, and air leaks.

Sorry it's quite dark and difficult to see at times. It's very easy to see which muscles closest to the surface of the face are overactive while playing; especially the zygomaticus minor, zygomaticus major (runs from the upper lip into the apples of the cheeks); levator anguli oris (runs from the corners up along the sides of the nose), and depressor anguli oris (in the chin).

I'm also currently playing while tonguing, which is very difficult to do, but so proud I can do that now!!!! For the longest time I could only do air attacks/air puffs, and later alternate them. Finally able to add in tonguing more consistently without everything going haywire.

I'm playing with my mute in, on my phone, so not the best sound quality, but it captures how many air leaks there are if you listen closely.

You'll hear me use a couple of nose breaths in my pivot areas when I slur near the end. This is to help remind my muscles to not overshoot or become overactive as transitioning briefly. Sometimes I can tell if a normal breath will cause instability, and therefore take a nose breath instead. The same goes with tonguing; I can tell if it will cause instability and therefore will use a air attack instead or alternate.

My primary obstacles right now are air leaks in the low-to-pedal register, lack of sensation and control in the lower lip on the left side (limp/paralysis), and in the high register there are air leaks in the upper lip right side.

This is also the first time in years I've been able to play more aggressively or louder because I can grasp notes better when landing (landing on middle C and B is still the hardest), which I try to show in the octave jumps; demonstrating how I can dig into the notes more and not fall off.

I play a scale passage in the middle range and then play it in the low range to show the difference in the various movements going on in my face. You can see the most amount of overactivity happens when I go into my lower register and pedal register. Also in descending scale runs which are more difficult than ascending. Near the end I slow things down gradually to show you how the speed affects the symptoms too.

The entire right side of my face is stable. It compensates a lot for the lack of control and sensory on the left. It looks like it's the right side that is moving a lot and out of control, but it is actually the left side that is affected the most by dystonia.

Though it looks like a lot of facial movement overall (if it's your first time seeing dystonia symptoms).....this is actually very mild or light; usually there would be more sporadic movement going on, lateral pulls, tremors, spasms, abrupt stops in sound, and more noticeable unevenness between both sides of the face.

It also might look like it hurts, but embouchure dystonia is not painful despite how crazy things look at times. I feel it is significantly easier to play now, but the air leaks are currently the most frustrating thing occurring.

However, this is a good sign and I feel like it is a result of my sensation/feedback returning; I feel my muscles regaining more grasp overall; I can feel where I need to loosen up or grasp more. I don't know if that makes sense?

Better that it's air leaks than full-blown spasms, tremors, and involuntary aperture closing (abrupt stopping of the sound).

I've stated before that the symptoms have gone away in reverse order of onset. Air leaks and the lower lip escaping were near the beginning of onset before things got substantially worse near the height of the neurological disorder.

If you are struggling to believe you can play again, please know I had the most severe symptoms in the beginning and couldn't even get a sound out of my horn and it carried over to my ability to drink, smile, and at times - talk. Although it's been 9 years since I was diagnosed, there was a span of 4 years where I didn't play much or work solely on rehabilitating due to graduate school and teaching obligations. So about 4-5 years of solid rehabilitation, focus, and documenting to get to this point.

Hope this shows a little bit of how Embouchure Dystonia impacts my playing currently. This is actually not the best I've played or can play, but still wanted to record for this month. Will post some videos of actual pieces (2 concertos) when I return. Excited about that! :-)

Thank you for being supportive and understanding! Please remember I am going out on a limb and showing a vulnerable process/state. I wouldn't say it takes bravery, but more like patience made of iron when dealing with any inconsiderate comments that come with the choice of showing embouchure dystonia publicly sometimes.

Finally, I just want to say if you have Embouchure Dystonia, please remember you understand your body, signals/feedback, sensations, and what does or doesn't work better than anyone else ever will.

The MRI Brass Repository Project March 2019

https://www.gordon.edu/mrihorn

Please donate this month!!! I spoke with Dr. Iltis last year via skype/phone about the project and we had a long conversation over our experiences. It was one of the best conversations I've had over embouchure dystonia. I really wished to participate, however, the deadline had passed, and neither they or I could afford the flight costs from U.S. to Germany, housing and food.

I'm happy to see they've been granted more time!!! I'm hoping they'll receive the funding needed, as there is not enough research being done on embouchure dystonia in general and I would love to see them get as many scans as possible on this rare piece of equipment.

They are using one of the fastest imaging scanners that exist. It can provide more insight as to what is going on inside while we play; not only in the brain, but physically. It is very high definition. They are comparing the imaging scans from the professional brass players without dystonia to the group of brass players with embouchure dystonia. They are also gaining more insight into how playing varies form individual-to-individual anatomically within. This can help educators and musicians begin to really understand further details as to what is involved in the function of physical performance.

I'm rooting them on and so very supportive of this research!!!

Quick Video Post: Testing my Symptoms Across Registers

The other day I wanted to see how my large interval jumps were doing. So I started to play a little bit of the Till Eulenspiegel excerpt. Here I used a practice mute, which I often couldn't manage easily in the past from about 2010-2013.

This snippet of playing was used as a means to briefly test my symptoms, feel things out, and observe what signals my brain/body was sending me before I dived into really focusing on them.

It is not to show musicality, rhythmic accuracy, pitch accuracy, polished playing, or my skill level whatsoever. You can see my lower lip has paralysis going on in the left side and more viewable as I descend. It makes things quite taxing.

Though, I can't explain how happy I am to manage jumping across registers and play downward arpeggios spanning two registers, hit some high notes and low notes within a short consecutive time-frame. It takes a long time to regain those abilities even at a minimal/very basic level.

With embouchure dystonia, grabbing onto notes, maneuver them as they fly by, holding them out, or even landing on them is one of the biggest challenges due to the lack of sensation/sensory.

I've been able to regain the grasp on notes over time thanks to years of rehabilitation work. My main setback right now is air-leaks and landing on lower notes descending due to the lower lip protruding outwards on the left or because it is having troubles moving in general. You wouldn't believe me if I told you it actually use to be a lot worse. It's like trying to run a three-legged race and the other person isn't moving, so you're just dragging them along. haha! :-)

I'm also using a combination of air and tongue attacks. Tonguing is a whole different area on it's own, so won't go into detail there. It's task-specific, so the ability to do it depends on the register I'm playing in, if it is descending or ascending, the tempo, and if it is smaller or larger interval movement.

I will say however, I've noticed over the years that the receding of symptoms or regaining of control has happened in the reverse order of the onset and progression of symptoms. So my current state is a good place to be in.

<3 Until next time...thanks for stopping by! :-)

Embouchure Dystonia: Beginning Physical Rehabilitation Strategies for Brass Players I

July & August Videos 2018

I have a couple of videos I uploaded. One was made yesterday on the 2nd briefly going over mouthpieces and lower-lip struggles, but the lighting and resolution turned out not so great. The other video covering scales high and low was filmed back in early April, but I hesitated to post it because I really did not look that good and I am angry at myself (health-wise right now). haha! However, I am very proud of how far I've come in being able to add back in tonguing, and moving up and down through each register step-wise/scale-wise. That's all that really matters, is showing my rehabilitation efforts.

Honestly, one of the reasons I haven't been posting as many videos is because of my health unfortunately. I haven't been in the greatest shape, thus my huge hiatus from blogging and facebook in order to refocus on my efforts to get in shape. Exercise is really important to me, and I have been happy with losing 20 pounds since then, yet I have a long way to go still.

Mouthpieces and Lower Lip Struggles with Embouchure Dystonia Part 1

Mouthpieces and Lower Lip Struggles with Embouchure Dystonia Part 2

Scales High and Low, Fast and Slow

  

(Video) Focal Embouchure Dystonia and Playing Other Instruments

When you have musician's dystonia, a lot of friends and colleagues try to encourage you to find another instrument. Let me tell you, that isn't easy, and for a number of reasons. First being...nothing can come close to the love you have for your primary instrument. For me, horn is the best, and everything else doesn't come close. Not that I haven't given other instruments a shot. I grew up learning multiple instruments. Guitar is my second love, and it also doesn't come close to horn.

I enjoy practicing on other instruments, and I have to because I'm a teacher! However, my embouchure dystonia still effects me on other instruments to a certain degree. Some instruments are easier to play (i.e. trumpet, flute), and other instruments harder (i.e. tuba, trombone, euphonium). But just because some of the instruments are easier to play, doesn't mean I have the chops to master the instrument even if I wanted to. 

I want to show you what my embouchure looks like when I play other instruments. I don't talk much in the videos; except on the trumpet and trombone one. I think it is good to show how my focal dystonia still effects my playing from instrument to instrument. I can still  play to a certain degree on each instrument, but only if I focus on less tension....which means a more relaxed embouchure formation, and not stabilized at all. I show this really well on the trumpet video and explain it in detail. 

Let me know what you think of my new blog layout (should I go back to the previous design?), and if these videos give any insight. I'm not sure if these videos can show much...but I still think it's important to post them and analyze them, as not many people post recordings of themselves playing other related-instruments while having focal embouchure dystonia! :-) 

(Clarinet)

(oboe)

(Trumpet)

 (Trombone)

Monthly Research Article: A Video Guide to Diagnosis and Evaluation of Embouchure Dystonia by Dr. Frucht

Sorry I haven't had time to post recently! I've been busy with summer camp ending and starting another school year. I will post more soon. Here's this months article! Check it out....

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4912816/pdf/40734_2016_Article_35.pdf

Misleading Fabra Videos

just copied over my post about this video from facebook to here....

I don't understand why it says in the caption that the tremors have disappeared after treatment. Even though this man has come a long ways in recovery, I can tell he is definitely still having involuntary muscle contractions around his embouchure at the end of the video. It hurts to watch, because I can see (and know what it feels like) he's using all of the muscle strength he has to keep his endurance up and to lock the notes in place.

I also wish that in these videos they would play something more melodic in the middle/low range with held notes. Something legato and smooth. Scales and arpeggios are hard to play while having dystonia, but sometimes playing them faster makes it easier and doable. However, anything in the middle register that contains larger interval gaps (especially at a slower tempo), and holding long notes out are almost impossible. If someone played Pictures at an Exhibition excerpt, or even held out a long tone on a low G or middle C for 10 seconds, I could tell if they were still having involuntary contractions or not...I could tell if they were fully recovered or not.

I always get so much crap for complaining about how Fabra's videos are deceptive of ones recovery, because it doesn't show all aspects of the persons playing. But I have also heard similar observations from other instrumentalists as well who watch the other instrumental recovery posts that he has posted. It's true he's made progress, and I'm sure he's very happy and hopeful, but I can tell he's not fully recovered...or as Fabra likes to say "cured." That's what I dislike/detest about it most, is that he is deceptive in the way he promotes his so-called "cure" or even suggests that there is a cure to dystonia...his cure, and that's all. There are many other reasons Fabra rubs me the wrong way, but I could write a whole book over it. I'm glad he helps others, but I don't trust his intentions, the way he handles his business, or how he treats those who don't recovery under his guidance in which he gave false hope.

August 5th Vlog: Melodic Playing - Post Relapse/After Relapse Has Passed

There's 4 more videos loading, but thought I'd publish the one that finished uploading.

This is actually the 5th video near the end of my practice session....and believe me, my endurance was running on empty by this time, but I was still testing out my larger interval motions and melodic passages to see what areas were most difficult. I wanted to post this one first since it's the only video I've recorded were all I do is play and don't speak. I was too focused on feeling things out.

*Note of caution: I don't usually ever play melodic stuff or etudes. It can be very tricky since I don't want to form old habits or make the tension in my face worse. I'm trying to rebuild a new pathway/way of playing with less tension. It is only now that I am able to test more melodic playing to see where the tension is when I try to play specific things. I do this every once in a while to see where things are from a broader view.. Anywhoo, this is not how or what I usually work on with my dystonic symptoms, but watching me play melodic pieces or passages can give a wider view of where the tension still effects me, that non-dystonic musician's might understand or see better, rather than me trying to explain it.

Video Part 5 August 5th - posted first:

Other 4 videos are the same where I'm doing more melodic playing, but talk here and there. You can probably tell by watching, I'm not having troubles with involuntary contractions/sporadic spasms....
.
...Though you see a lot of facial movement going on due to tonguing, these movements do not feel dystonic...that's the best way I can describe it. Also even though there may seem to be a lot of facial movement it is less than what existed in the past too.
These facial movements do not hurt, nor do they feel out of my control but weirdly natural and relaxed. I feel like the facial movements are my muscles finally working together towards a similar task perhaps, but without the opposing (dystonic) muscle fighting back...so it feels natural. I also think partially why there's so much movement is due to lack of endurance...another very distinct separate feeling from dystonic-type feelings/movement.

The main issue that's most noticeable right now is regaining control/flexibility in that lower left lip. I've been trying to work out the tension there, but it feels limp or non-responsive more than tense, but slowly regaining mobility as you can tell it rolls in and out more often naturally on it's own, but still pretty tough to work with...stubborn! But at least it's not as frustrating to work with as working with relapse symptoms. I think that's the hardest obstacle to overcome is the glitch-like spasms and contractions that make it impossible to even hold a note or grab a note.

But since this was after a relapse/post-relapse where I have an extended period of less difficult time playing; you can tell how much better and at ease my playing is compared to the last video posted on July 31st where I was going through heavy relapse symptoms.

Video Part 1 August 5th:

Video Part 2 August 5th

Video Part 3 August 5th

Video Part 4 August 5th

July 31st Working with Relapse Symptoms - Vlog Practice

 Yay! Finally got a video up. Haven't been able to find a place to record since moving to Denver. Luckily University of Denver music building was open yesterday evening...first time I heard myself play out loud/outside a mute in a longgggg time. 

Yesterday's session was pretty rough due to the relapse symptoms. But good that I captured it on camera...approx. 1 hour and 20 minutes of playing. [Also, I'm going to upload a video of what my playing is like after the relapse has passed; Link will be highlighted -->here ...as soon as it's posted.] 

You can see the areas where I struggle the most with the symptoms, but also how I work at ironing them out/reducing them. Tried to not talk a whole lot...but you know with me, I love talking/writing.

Anywhoo, here's the videos!! Lots of slow methodical practice. I was happy with the work done!!!







Part 1 - prep-work...and pedal range (working way upwards)

Part 2 ...more pedal range work and middle register, etc.

Part 3 - ...a bit of excerpts near the end. Thought I'd have a couple seconds of fun! :)

Part 4 ...arpeggios/open-harmonics, and octaves.

(Video) April 5th Update On Playing: Transitions, Chin Movement, Larger Intervals, and Long Tones

(Video) Happy Easter! Some Overtones

Meant to post this sooner! I mentioned some important things in my video since I've noticed someone online who wrote about how he thought my rehabilitation just took practice. So he definitely doesn't understand that embouchure dystonia is a lot more complex than it seems. The exercises used as part of the physical rehabilitation may be simplistic (ex. buzzing, freebuzzing, stretches, chromatic slurs), but as I've mentioned before in many blog posts that the exercises have a different purpose than what they originally are meant for; it's the mental awareness, the way I physically approach my instrument, and changes in external factors which all make a difference and contribute to this very personal process of rehabilitation. It involves much more than this too. I think that is why dystonia is so hard to explain...it's a neurological movement disorder, so it takes a lot to regain abilities, so any playing basics are equivalent to trying to run a marathon on crutches with a broken leg.

This video I show some enharmonic exercises which I use as a mean to support the development of my lower jaw control. I definitely couldn't have done this 7 months ago, or a year ago. As there are endless tiny abilities and movements I had to overcome and regain in my playing. It isn't until recently I've been able to work on overtones, long tones, and move into my mid-to-upper range either. So definitely not something I'd work on in the beginning or middle'ish stages, as it would usually cause too much tension built up right away.

An interesting note is that I can slur fine and have good control over my arpeggios while using standard fingerings. For example if I played C-E-G-C with the fingerings: open-2-1-open, I can play it with ease, but as soon as I play it as an open harmonic...meaning C-E-G-C as open-open-open-open, it's very difficult to control. I think naturally because the partials are closer and less defined of a feeling to grasp onto. It's like trying to hit targets with an arrow while swinging on a rope, rather than using stepping-stones to align with your target as they get higher and higher. I also have to monitor my breath control more now, whereas before it also use to be something that didn't help my playing (i.e. full breaths/steady stream of air), but now does and is necessary. 

You can see in the beginning how much my embouchure control was limited, but near the very end of the video you can see how much it loosened up and I was able to do the same exercises with a little more control. It's this small amount of control and ability to relax my tension/dystonia symptoms that make a world difference in my playing! Baby steps = huge progress...even if it takes many many months to go from what seems like step 1 to step 1.5. Should be posting another video today or tomorrow!

(Video) Working on Chin Muscle Group and Expanding Larger Interval Motion

I didn't have a mirror behind the camera. Good though that it's primarily focused on just my chin, as that's what I was working on. A bit embarrassed though, as it's not really a physical attribute I want to show off. Self-conscious. :-S

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

I recorded these videos while away from home. 

(Video) Rehabilitation Work: Very Important Elements On Recovering

This video was mainly suppose to show how I work on my most current symptoms, but I ended up also covering some key things that have helped me get to the place I am at now, having significantly reduced my embouchure dystonia symptoms. I decided on this title and used the word "recovering" because I am slowly but surely recovering. I've posted a lot of videos on my blog of me playing, and being able to look back and watch them compared to where I'm at...I see the small improvements gradually accumulate into big improvements.

Here is a link to the first video I made for my blog on December 29th, 2011.  Another video I did in June of 2012 I tried to show my full range of symptoms more accurately. You can see and hear how much more heavy they were in my playing. But as you can imagine, they weren't nearly as bad as the height of my symptoms in 2010 and early spring 201l when I struggled to get a sound out of my horn! That's how bad the contractions where...trying to blow air out and nothing happened but spasms!

I think this is one of my more well-planned out videos covering my playing. It was a great session, but definitely took a lot of endurance...ended up being 5 videos long! Auf'da!!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

There's some more comments I want to post right here, but will eventually update this post with them, as there are some things I left out that I forgot to mention too.

(Video) Practice Session Jan. 10th 2013

Well! It's been a while since a video recording. Not very well planned out, but did my best to cover all the bases. My camera kept dying, so it cut off quite a bit of my playing at the end of each video. I think I did a really good job of showing the alleviation of symptoms over the course of my practice session, and though it's hard to explain how it physically happens, the improvement is definitely visible and audible if you pay close attention to when I'm working on my Low Db, and Gb, and even the movements in my face on the larger interval stuff evens out near the end and has improved a bit. :-) 

First part: Buzzing, Stretches, Chromatic Runs (descending) - Ironing Out Small Intervals

Part 2: Chromatic Runs (ascending) - Ironing Out Small Intervals. Octave Jumps...

Part 3: Octaves and Larger Intervals/Melodies

10/04/12 Embouchure Dystonia Video Update

Part 1

Part 2