Looking at Overactive Muscle Groups in Embouchure

Before I go on break, I just wanted to share a bit of my playing. Mainly to show an example of which muscles are currently overactive (receiving overactive signals), which ones are lacking feedback/loss of sensory - mainly paralysis in the lower lip (left side) and the entire left side of face, and air leaks.

Sorry it's quite dark and difficult to see at times. It's very easy to see which muscles closest to the surface of the face are overactive while playing; especially the zygomaticus minor, zygomaticus major (runs from the upper lip into the apples of the cheeks); levator anguli oris (runs from the corners up along the sides of the nose), and depressor anguli oris (in the chin).

I'm also currently playing while tonguing, which is very difficult to do, but so proud I can do that now!!!! For the longest time I could only do air attacks/air puffs, and later alternate them. Finally able to add in tonguing more consistently without everything going haywire.

I'm playing with my mute in, on my phone, so not the best sound quality, but it captures how many air leaks there are if you listen closely.

You'll hear me use a couple of nose breaths in my pivot areas when I slur near the end. This is to help remind my muscles to not overshoot or become overactive as transitioning briefly. Sometimes I can tell if a normal breath will cause instability, and therefore take a nose breath instead. The same goes with tonguing; I can tell if it will cause instability and therefore will use a air attack instead or alternate.

My primary obstacles right now are air leaks in the low-to-pedal register, lack of sensation and control in the lower lip on the left side (limp/paralysis), and in the high register there are air leaks in the upper lip right side.

This is also the first time in years I've been able to play more aggressively or louder because I can grasp notes better when landing (landing on middle C and B is still the hardest), which I try to show in the octave jumps; demonstrating how I can dig into the notes more and not fall off.

I play a scale passage in the middle range and then play it in the low range to show the difference in the various movements going on in my face. You can see the most amount of overactivity happens when I go into my lower register and pedal register. Also in descending scale runs which are more difficult than ascending. Near the end I slow things down gradually to show you how the speed affects the symptoms too.

The entire right side of my face is stable. It compensates a lot for the lack of control and sensory on the left. It looks like it's the right side that is moving a lot and out of control, but it is actually the left side that is affected the most by dystonia.

Though it looks like a lot of facial movement overall (if it's your first time seeing dystonia symptoms).....this is actually very mild or light; usually there would be more sporadic movement going on, lateral pulls, tremors, spasms, abrupt stops in sound, and more noticeable unevenness between both sides of the face.

It also might look like it hurts, but embouchure dystonia is not painful despite how crazy things look at times. I feel it is significantly easier to play now, but the air leaks are currently the most frustrating thing occurring.

However, this is a good sign and I feel like it is a result of my sensation/feedback returning; I feel my muscles regaining more grasp overall; I can feel where I need to loosen up or grasp more. I don't know if that makes sense?

Better that it's air leaks than full-blown spasms, tremors, and involuntary aperture closing (abrupt stopping of the sound).

I've stated before that the symptoms have gone away in reverse order of onset. Air leaks and the lower lip escaping were near the beginning of onset before things got substantially worse near the height of the neurological disorder.

If you are struggling to believe you can play again, please know I had the most severe symptoms in the beginning and couldn't even get a sound out of my horn and it carried over to my ability to drink, smile, and at times - talk. Although it's been 9 years since I was diagnosed, there was a span of 4 years where I didn't play much or work solely on rehabilitating due to graduate school and teaching obligations. So about 4-5 years of solid rehabilitation, focus, and documenting to get to this point.

Hope this shows a little bit of how Embouchure Dystonia impacts my playing currently. This is actually not the best I've played or can play, but still wanted to record for this month. Will post some videos of actual pieces (2 concertos) when I return. Excited about that! :-)

Thank you for being supportive and understanding! Please remember I am going out on a limb and showing a vulnerable process/state. I wouldn't say it takes bravery, but more like patience made of iron when dealing with any inconsiderate comments that come with the choice of showing embouchure dystonia publicly sometimes.

Finally, I just want to say if you have Embouchure Dystonia, please remember you understand your body, signals/feedback, sensations, and what does or doesn't work better than anyone else ever will.