I love writing about taboo things like musician injuries and musician disorders; more specifically focal embouchure dystonia and raising awareness....god forbid it ever happen to you someday. No one ever imagines it could happen to them especially when they feel in their prime and it comes out of left field. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
It may not seem as life-threatening as a lethal illness, but losing what you love, your calling, your career, greatest pursuit, and what gives you purpose...it's as painful as losing a loved one, it leaves you as helpless because it is a form of degraded mobility, and it can deprive one's life of meaning...and yes, even some find it hard to keep the will to live. Nothing can fully replace that loss. Don't tell them to try to move on with a new instrument or profession.
When your entire life revolves around something and you've invested years into it, disassociating is impossible for some. It's a loss of self and identity too.
That's why I continue to write. So I can relate to those who are going through the process and understand how truly frustrating and debilitating it is on every level during the aftermath and grieving process - physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. It is no simple matter.
I've never been one to suffer in silence just for the sake of reputation, nor am I one to go out without a fight.
That's why my passion and very protective side comes out when standing up for those who have the disorder and are ignorantly labelled or told they are musicians who are "simply dealing with bad habits or performance anxiety," when that couldn't be farther from the damn truth! 🔥
It's not so much that I love what I do (it's not like I chose to have focal dystonia), but I love seeing that fire in other's eyes again when they say, "I can overcome this. I'm not giving up. I can pave the pathway one step at a time."
That's all that really matters. Helping others and making a difference even if in the smallest way. I'd rather be helping others stand up after they fall than competing in music politics. I will say I don't miss the competitive arrogance or egos you see in several musicians, even though I miss the act of playing, hearing my own sound, and performing alongside friends and colleagues the most.
I don't like victimizing myself and prefer to view myself as a survivor, but I know what it's like to grieve and the waves will come and go. Therefore, I want others to know there's nothing wrong with that and it's okay to mourn, to express your highs and lows because that is part of the process. <3
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