Friday, December 27, 2013

Finding Strength

I refuse to believe there is no possibility or chance of overcoming embouchure dystonia. There is nothing that can waiver my willpower, determination, and patience. No one can stand in my way. I know without a doubt that something once so natural cannot be lost forever when my muscles still possess natural abilities outside of playing. It is a paradoxical mystery as to why only very specific movements trigger it, yet the muscles can still function naturally when at rest. There is a way to return function or eliminate the triggers.

I don't know how I know, but I know THERE IS a way to reverse it. I know it in my gut and soul that this observation of contradictory therein lies an answer hidden somewhere, and that's what gives me strength. It's ultimate faith that what is considered impossible is possible due to that extra space of grey area and a question mark lingering.

I refuse to believe the only thing that exists is a dead end with no hope when the answer is at the tip of ones tongue constantly, and hints at the possibility of freedom from the disorder through glimpses or moments of normalcy after so much hard work and effort accomplished.

Most people who are diagnosed with FTSHD (Hand Dystonia) or FTSED (Embouchure Dystonia) ask, "How could my abilities degrade to such a state when I use to be able to play so naturally with ease and nothing wrong?"  when the question should be, "Why should I believe my dystonia is irreversible when normal function still exists in my muscles outside of playing?" Not all is lost when muscle function still exists.

If the possibility of all muscle function is to be completely thrown out the window into the realm of never returning, then I would not be able to use all of my muscle capabilities in my face; I would not be able to eat, not be able to speak, not be able to form a natural smile, not be able to whistle, not be able to do other related tasks or parallel motions. Yet, I still can perform other tasks with the muscles and movement in my why is it not possible to restore function when it comes to horn playing? As long as there is that grey area, as long as my muscles function normally outside of playing, not all is lost...there has to be...there MUST be...there IS a way of restoring normalcy. I just know it! I refuse to let my strength and faith waiver!!

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