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| This is my actual practice journal...I bought a bookmark that says: " Never. Never. Never Quit." - Winston Churchill |
Some past journals....
March 13th, 2012
Lower lip on left side of embouchure seems to be the cushion of strength. I rely on strength of left side corner...if I focus on putting more balance towards the left corner, it makes it easier to pivot in registers somehow. It occurs every now and then, but it's better than what was happening before..I couldn't find a spot to rely on for support before. Higher register tends to want to go more towards the middle of lips, with a more equal pressure from side-to-side.
My dystonia limits my abilities in the following areas still...and each varies in limitations: Poof/air attacks are still more easier to do than tongue attacks. After poof attacking for a while, then I can tongue with less problems, unless I attempt a loud attack. Slurring of course is easier than tonguing, but I don't have to rely on it as much to help me transition from note-to-note like before. I still can't do any type of dynamic changes...piano and mezzo-forte are about as much as I can do for now. Playing on my leg for support is still necessary. Flexibility is awful and can't seem to transition between different ranges smoothly. I'm seeing a lot of differences in how my embouchure functions on a certain group of notes...it's changing....but for now I'm going to have to spend some time feeling it out and observing it further in practice. Spasms haven't been a problem lately surprisingly, but if I do sense them beneath the surface or if they occur on a particular note, they go away after about 15-20 minutes of ironing them out with my exercises. Still beneath the surface but it's comforting to know I can reduce them in this short amount of time compared to the past where it was more like 2-4 hours spaced out during the day of routines before I felt more comfortable.
For some embouchure dystonia patients, they may have similar limitations, or the opposite. For example; tonguing fast may be easier than slurring or using air attacks, for some playing louder/higher is easier than playing soft or in the pedal register.
March 19th, 2012
Spasms are subtle more often unless I try to play louder in the middle register without proper time ironing/smoothing out tremors and first making adjustments. Still can feel spasms beneath the surface on certain notes, but lately my face and embouchure feels relaxed and has vitality...don't know how else to describe the feeling. Trouble areas currently are low F to middle C (8 notes/chromatically). There are lots of air leaks in this group of notes/cluster, and the notes feel so shallow, like I'm just skimming the surface....but when I try to push more air down onto the note to try and find the core of the note, the spams start. I can't seem to adjust or grab the center of the notes. Still can't play up to an high "f". Comfortable only with playing up to a "d" on the staff. Some days it's trouble with low F to middle E on the staff line, it kind of varies.
March 22nd, 2012
A bit of a relapse today. Spasms start to occur around my low A today, but only when I play the 5 note major scale starting on low A...it's coming back down and landing on the A that is difficult...or stopping on the low A. The spasm isn't super bad, it's wobbly, but enough to frustrate me. At first my chin wanted to bunch...my embouchure wanted to collapse again...maybe so that my lower lip quits shaking. As soon as I tried to straighten out or flatten my chin, spasms started. So I tried to analyze how I played on the notes above and below the A. In my range above the low A, my chin is most comfortable being flat (but sometimes it varies oddly - some days it's flat, others it wants to bunch when more tension), but below in my low range my bottom lower lip wants to stick out the left side of my mouthpiece and requires a little more pressure on the left corner or left side of embouchure. As soon as I tried this it worked and I was comfortable.
I guess I have to remind my embouchure or muscle memory that this is what works...since it doesn't naturally grasp this way of doing things. So as soon as I repeated my 5 note major scale/pattern while emphasizing more focus on the left corner and lower left lip too...it worked and was comfortable. I would practice this over and over again trying to get use to the feeling. I will have to try this again in future practice sessions and see if it keeps working. It might seem like a slight adjustment, but for people with embouchure dystonia, the slightest adjustment, even one that helps or works can take so long to find....also the muscles adapt over time too as they regain control which throws in another wrench in the whole rehabilitation.
March 24th, 2012
I'm practicing at the University. Spasms have been gone for a while today - they aren't bothering me or noticeable, but doesn't mean I'm not working on my trouble area - my middle to low register...I'm focusing on it, but now my focus has shifted more to gripping the core of the note since spasms aren't an issue (well at this dynamic level/relaxed state of playing...hopefully! crosses fingers) My lower lip in my pedal-to-middle register wants to roll out and protrude out of the side of the cup on the left side. When I try to bring the protruding part of the lip back in it quivers. BUT, I also noticed that my lower lip wants to roll back over my teeth as I play above in my treble staff range (i.e. "f" on the staff and above). So I tried seeing if I was strong enough to start in my pedal range with lower lip adjusting and go up. Then did the same starting on middle "c" and going down and I could do it effectively for a while! But I can tell it wants to resort to the former the more I keep practicing it. So I am trying to space out this exercise in order to pace myself. My higher register my chin likes to bunch but it doesn't feel out of my control...I feel like I can flex it and flatten it out..but it definitely saps my endurance.
March 31st, 2012
Difficult to play low G to middle B tonged while going upwards. Difficult to play middle F down to middle C tongued. A bit shaky in terms of feeling in control of larger motions... but improves the more time I spend going through my exercise routines.
April 4th, 2012
Looking back at the past couple months, I noticed spasms reduced in following order: middle F, middle C, now working on middle A and G...the spasms are subtle to almost gone (but I don't want to jinx myself by saying that), but I can still sense them right beneath the surface on my A and G and in certain passages I play. Noticed when playing upwards 5-note major scales starting on low F, the sides of my cheeks go in between teeth on side of face. But this doesn't occur if rarely when going downwards, just upwards...and my corners want to frown. Probably because it's harder for me to play anything going in an upwards motion, harder to control or move. That too is a weird realizations because before I had dystonia, when I could play naturally, playing downward was much more difficult technique-wise...but now here I am struggling with anything I have to play ascending.
April 21st, 2012
May 14th, 2012
Still working on my low A and G. The spasms are not noticeable today, at least not enough to bother me again...they seem more controlled if that makes sense, but now when I hit my low A and especially low G, my corners want to frown, and lower lip now wants to completely protrude into my mouthpiece. Feels comfortable, but awkward, and very limiting in terms of mobility....but no spasms. Yep, it's the collapsed embouchure returning again.
The break point or pivot is now on my middle B or C. From middle C and up my lower lip is curled back, corners are straight, and feels comfortable/functional. I can move around easily, little to no spasms, and feels natural.
I also tried to seek out areas where my spasms do occur or feel beneath the surface if possible. I didn't run into them until I started observing my mouthpiece setting. If I set my mouthpiece first, then breath through my corners without taking away contact from my upper or lower lip, everything is great!!!! But if I attempt trying to reset my mouthpiece every time I breath - meaning taking it off my face or either just taking the upper rim away from face while lower rim still in contact...it doesn't work. I start to spasm...can't start a note without spasming. This is a weird observation.
Thinking about the past, before I had dystonia, I could move my mouthpiece anywhere on my embouchure and it would be fine. In the past I could do the Farkas exercise where you play a note, take the horn off your face, breath, then apply mouthpiece on next note, etc. ....but now...nope. Can't do it at all. Now I feel like I want to do a similar but opposite exercise that I know of, where you set the mouthpiece, play a note, then keep the mouthpiece on face and nose breath, then play again. This seems like it would be doable for me and better. Now I know I have to be more aware to not reset my mouthpiece....but then again, in the last few months I didn't have a mouthpiece "setting" that existed...I didn't have a comfy spot that worked. It was all a mess and I had to move my mouthpiece all around my embouchure and make slight adjustments here and there in order to find one tiny minuscule adjustment that helped reduce the spasms. I still need to make adjustments, but not so much larger ones involving a complete resetting of the mouthpiece...which is different than pivot adjustments though. I'm not making any sense am I?
May 16th, 2012
Making an effort to breath through the corners of my mouth while my mouthpiece is already set is making a huge difference!!!! Also today I came upon another interesting observation. A couple months ago I was struggling with transitioning from my low range to treble staff range playing ascending. My corners kept frowning, and my lower lip keeps wanting to protrude completely into my mouthpiece, and the sides of my cheeks keep going in between my teeth like I'm chewing on gum (I know this is a bad sign! Just like puffing out your cheeks to try and play the horn, ahhh), and when I tried to change/get away from this collapsed looking embouchure, the only other positioning that worked was playing with my mouthpiece tilted at a high upward angle...looked like dizzie's trumpet bell haha!....it felt neutralized....with no spasms...but I know this is not the most healthiest or natural nor comfortable way of playing either. I felt like it wasn't helping me. But how can I change it but also face the spasms that do occur when I try to change it?
So I've been doing some work on transitions, and of course it takes a thousand maneuvers to finally realize one little thing that helps at the right place and right time. I realized a combination of trying to flatten out my chin while playing at a more downward angle of my mouthpiece, while keeping focus on the left corner of my embouchure for support...this did it! It is a bit difficult because I can feel the spasms beneath the surface, but I know it is doable and will be in time the more I practice this way. I tried playing 2 octave scales starting in my pedal register (ex. Pedal C up to the C in the staff and back down) to see if I could transition without a huge change in my embouchure, and it worked!!!! I also felt like my cheek muscles were getting a work out. I know this is the best way to work on transitions because it feels more natural, it also is similar to the way I use to play when I could play before I had dystonia.....I use to play at a downward angle. But when I got dystonia, it became an extremely downward angle in the beginning during my first attempt at rehabilitation. This is only a slight downward angle, which works well since my jaw drops and chin pulls back and flattens out when I play my pedal or low notes.....again it's frustrating trying to do this, I swear my muscles are fighting a war against me...but recently they've been losing to me. Yes! It definitely will take time to retrain my muscles to do this.......retraining should be called "manually retraining each and every individual movement"...nothing describes it better than that! :-)
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