Blood Circulation and Normal Vibrations

A photo of a string vibrating.

Yesterday I tried to focus on the vibrations that you feel when you blow into the horn. When things come naturally it almost feels like your lips are getting a nice massage, but when you have dystonia it feels similar to getting an electric shock; you go to play and instead of feeling smooth vibrations or that nice blood circulation feeling, it's as if  your muscles feel a jolt and it causes a spasm. As if there's a knotted muscle or block somewhere in the face, or if the embouchure won't accept the vibrations, instead it rejects it. Also the area where my nerve damage is, somehow always feels deflated compared to the rest of my surrounding lip, like there's no underlying tissue to support it even though there's no more striking pain like before. It's hard to describe but that's the best I can think of when explaining how it feels.

I always enjoy returning to the horn, it's similar to returning to exercise. You start playing after a while and can feel those muscles regain strength and that blood circulation; except with Dystonia it just takes me 4-5 hours to get it to feel that normal. It's a great feeling when everything falls into place again, even if just for a moment! I am still hopeful, and I am always happier when I find time to sit down and practice with no goal in mind, just relax and enjoy the notes I can actually play still. I know someday I will return to the concert hall and share the gift of music with fellows and friends as I have done since a child.

I also just bought my Christmas presents today...a NEW horn case, ipod classic, newly revised edition of Broken Embouchures by Lucinda Lewis, and a 12-month subscription to the Berlin Philharmonic Digital Concert Hall! The BPO gives me so much inspiration, and I am thrilled for the case to arrive in the mail. :D